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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25387333">With My Life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NalgeneWhore/pseuds/NalgeneWhore'>NalgeneWhore</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>#isausesescapismthroughfanfictionasacopingmechanism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Spy, Blood and Gore, F/M, Graphic Description, Gun Violence, anyhoozles fun fun fun!, implied PTSD, r they at all necessary? that's besides the point, there WILL b sum sexi times cuz i am a sexi bitch n i want 2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:00:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,070</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25387333</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NalgeneWhore/pseuds/NalgeneWhore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A simple mission, that’s all it was. Get in, get the list, get out and be home in time for dinner. But life doesn’t always work that way, does it? Now, it’s six months later and a war brews, one they all know might wipe countries off the face of the earth, and the only thing he has to show for the mission is a bullet wound that supposedly killed him and the wrath of a woman who wished he’d just die and stay dead, but then again… Lorcan Salvaterre never did like to listen.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Rowan Whitethorn, Elide Lochan/Lorcan Salvaterre, Fenrys/Nehemia Ytger</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>97</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>79</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i kinda, i kinda have a new project oop 😳 enjoy</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Varese sun had barely begun to rise in the pale blue sky when he woke up. He remained still, keeping his breath deep and even as he looked around the room.  </p><p>Seeing that everything was as it should be, it seemed as though Lorcan Salvaterre had lived to see another day. With a soft groan and a stretch, Lorcan kissed his bedmate’s cheek and brushed her dark hair back before he got out of bed.  </p><p>He stooped to pull on the shorts that had been carelessly discarded the previous evening and padded into his bathroom.  </p><p>After using the amenities, Lorcan looked at himself in the mirror as he washed his hands, deciding it was probably time to shave. Opening the mirror cabinet, Lorcan gathered his shaving supplies and quietly shut the door, not wanting to disturb the woman in his bed.  </p><p>A couple years back, for his birthday, he’d received an old-time shaving kit from Fenrys and Connall, who had claimed it was the only fitting gift for a scruffy old bastard like himself. They’d both received sharp swat to the head for the comment and he had vowed to throw it out as soon as he got home. Of course, he didn’t do that and had become partial to it. The twins were never to find out and it was a secret Lorcan would take to the grave.  </p><p>As far as those two pups were concerned, Lorcan was still using some random shaving cream from the can and a cheap disposable razor from the store.  </p><p>He’d just finished lathering the lower half of his face and jawline when the door was pushed open and in stumbled Elide Lochan, still half asleep as she buttoned up his dress shirt.  </p><p>Upon seeing him, she paused, her lovely monolid-shaped eyes flicking over his half-covered face and the straight razor in his hand. Then, a cheeky grin spread over her plush and plump lips and she said, her already low voice hoarse with sleep, “You really are an old bastard, huh?”  </p><p>Lorcan chuckled and put the blade down, tracking her movements in the mirror as she walked in and hopped up onto the sink counter. “I’ve been told.”  </p><p>Elide smiled and fluffed her short, collarbone length hair. Her smile and her slender eyes softened as she tilted her head to the side, completely happy to sit while he got ready for work.  </p><p>“Do me a favour, love,” Lorcan said, his voice low and his accent adding a rolling lilt to his words, slotting himself between her legs. </p><p>“Hmm? What is it?” She opened her eyes when she felt the cool tortoiseshell handle of the razor in her palm. Lorcan held it for her, his eyes open and honest. “Me?”  </p><p>“You.”  </p><p>Elide’s eyes widened and she glanced up at him, seeing that he was utterly serious. “You trust me?”  </p><p>“With my life, Elide,” he told her, meaning every word.  </p><p>Elide took the razor from him and rolled her eyes, flicking it open and fitting her fingers along the shank. She clicked her tongue, “So dramatic. It’s just a shave, Salvaterre.”  </p><p>Lorcan hummed and leaned his head to the side, eyes on Elide as she bit her lip in concentration and held the wicked sharp blade up to right beneath his cheekbone. “Short strokes, Lochan.”  </p><p>Her worried eyes turned to his and Lorcan gripped her thighs, rubbing soothing circles into her skin with his thumbs. Lorcan dipped his chin in a slight nod and his gaze tracked her eyes as she moved the razor in short, even motions.  </p><p>After a few moments, she wiped the blade off on a towel and went back to the task at hand, decidedly ignoring his heavy gaze on her. “Stop staring at me like that,” she muttered, tapping his chin back to drag the razor down his sharp jawline. “Don’t want me to have an accident, do we now?”  </p><p>She menacingly held the rounded tip of the razor to his throat, wearing a fierce frown. Lorcan bit back his laugh and held his hands up, “Nah, nah, do your thing.” He pressed his lips together to avoid smiling, but his eyes glittered with mirth. </p><p>Elide clicked her tongue again and continued, occasionally pausing to wipe the blade. At some point, she started humming unconsciously and tilted his chin back, “Stay still.”  </p><p>Lorcan did as he was told and hardly breathed as she carefully pulled the blade over the front of his throat. Then, with a relieved sigh, she put it down and smiled as she picked up a damp cloth and patted his face. “Pretty good job for stress relief, huh?”  </p><p>As the words hit him, Lorcan froze and inhaled sharply. “What did you say?”  </p><p>Elide arched a manicured brow, slowly putting the cloth down. “...stress relief? That’s what I am, what we are to each other. It’s just sex.”  </p><p>He hesitated, the words threatening to spill out of his mouth, but he managed to hold himself back and carefully said, “You know you mean more to me than fucking, E.”  </p><p>Elide hummed and picked up the bottle of aftershave, screwing off the cap and dumping some into her hand. Lorcan made an irritated sound in the back of his throat, dropping his head down low. “Lochan... it’s not just the sex to me. I need you to know that. You matter to me, alright?”  </p><p>He lifted his head when she said nothing and Elide shook her head subtly and patted his cheeks, softly rubbing the balm over his smooth skin. “Lorcan...”  </p><p>He tried a different angle, pulling her hands away and squeezing her wrists gently. “El, I want to talk with you, but I have to get to work. Stay here today. We’ll go out tonight and- fuck–”  </p><p>“L, L, calm down. Go to work, we’ll figure it out tonight, yeah?”  She cupped his face in her hands and tilted her chin up, kissing the scar that ran down from his hairline and sliced through his left eyebrow. “It’ll be fine.” </p><p>Lorcan smiled and leaned down, kissing her lips once, twice, three times, until she was laughing quietly. “You’ll stay here today?” </p><p>“Mm-hmm, right here. I’ll snoop through everything and find out all your secrets, Salvaterre.”  </p><p>A low laugh rumbled through his chest and Lorcan kissed her once more, nipping her full bottom lip before pulling away and looking in the mirror. “Wow, nice job, princess.”  </p><p>“I told you to stop calling me that,” she hissed as he lifted her off the counter.  </p><p>“I didn’t hear any complaints last night,” he said as she turned away. Lorcan tugged her back against his front and leaned down, pressing his lips to the back of her neck. “<em>Princess</em>.”  </p><p>Elide huffed and shoved him away, crossing her arms tightly, “Yeah, well, last night was <em>different</em>, dickhead.”  </p><p>“Different? How?”  </p><p>A sly smirk curled her lips and Elide slowly backed away into his bedroom, “Well, for starters, it was a much different setting and I recall fewer clothes, but you know, silly me might be remembering something wrong.” She ran her fingers over the buttons of his shirt that she had plucked from his closet, toying with the top clasp before popping it open, just enough that he saw the swell of her breasts. “Would you be a darling and help me, please? Help your princess?”  </p><p>Lorcan shook his head and gripped the edge of the marble counter, biting his cheek hard enough that blood bloomed across his tongue.  </p><p>Elide cackled, throwing her head back as she laughed and laughed, delighting herself in his misery. Lorcan shook his head again and muttered to himself in his native language, stalking out the bathroom and hip-checking her on the way to his closet. “You’re a fuckin’ menace, Lochan.”  </p><p>He opened the closet doors and looked through the row of dark coloured suits, just reaching for a navy blue one as a set of slim arms slid around his waist and Elide kissed the skin between his shoulder blades. “You wouldn’t have me any other way, baby.”  </p><p>She wasn’t wrong.  </p><p> </p><p>Elide was watching him carefully as he put his Glock 19’s in his shoulder holster, a worried frown bunching up her brows. After securing his guns, Lorcan approached her, dutifully standing still as she fussed over the storm-grey tie he’d just tied perfectly.  </p><p>She glanced up at him and tucked her lip between her teeth. “Be careful, ok?” She looked like she had more to say but held her tongue.  </p><p>“Always, princess,” he quipped, holding his tie to his stomach as he bent to kiss her freckled cheek. “I’ll be safe, love. I promise.”  </p><p>“Heard that before,” she accused him. The memory of him in the supposed hit and run accident was still bright in her mind, it seemed. Interesting. If only she knew what had really happened.  </p><p>“I mean it this time,” he whispered, winking as he shrugged on his suit jacket. The dark navy colour contrasted beautifully with his russet complexion, soaking up the sun and setting the world aglow, the same way his black dress shirt made her pale, alabaster tone brighten until it looked like the full moon gleaming around him.  </p><p>Lorcan did mean it this time, more than any other time he’d said it. Tonight, tonight he would tell Elide that he loved her. That he was in love with her, that he had been since that early morning he’d been tailing a gun runner into a café and this tiny, firecracker of a woman, told him he could sit at her paper and laptop crowded table.  </p><p>He’d taken the seat and he’d almost let the man walk out of the store unnoticed because he’d been too distracted staring at her gorgeous fucking face and by her, <em>Elide</em>.  </p><p>“What should I wear tonight?”  </p><p>“Hmm? Tonight?”  </p><p>Elide laughed, “For dinner.”  </p><p>Dinner. Oh. <em>Dinner</em>-dinner. </p><p>“Um, I don’t know, a fancy dress?”  </p><p>“Ooh, fancy?”  </p><p>Lorcan chuckled and wrapped his arms around her petite waist, his hands splayed across her lower back as he dipped her. He leaned in, brushing the tip of his nose against her, brushing his lips over hers before he whispered, “Very, very fancy, princess.” Then, he slanted his mouth over hers and kissed her, kissed her until she needed a moment to breathe and collect herself.  </p><p>He ruined the moment by grabbing her ass and laughing as he stood them up straight. Elide rolled her eyes, raising up onto her tiptoes to kiss his cheek, “Stay safe for me, ok?”  </p><p>Lorcan buttoned his one-button and cupped the side of her neck in one hand, stroking his thumb over her jaw. “I swear I will. Have a good day, yeah?”  </p><p>“Yeah. I’ll try,” she said quietly, turning to finger his cufflinks and brush her fingertips over the outline of the gun beneath his arm.  </p><p>“Bye, princess.”  </p><p>“Get out of here, stupid,” she whispered, grinning as they both backed up and then turned, her to run back to his bed, and Lorcan to the front door of his apartment.  </p><p> </p><p>Lorcan perused the aisle of cars in the garage, looking at every single one with exact scrutiny until he reached his - a sleek, black Aston Martin DB5. He let out a large breath as he sat behind the driver’s wheel. He just hoped today was an easy one. He needed easy.  </p><p>Pulling out of the parking garage, he nodded once at the security guards as he drove onto the busy street. Even early in the morning, Varese was already bustling, and he suspected it had something to do with the burning sun. The city tended to be busiest in the morning and late afternoon, calming down when the sun was at its highest point.  </p><p>He drove in silence, not turning on the radio to let himself think, to slip into the mindset he needed for his job.  </p><p>A few short minutes later, he pulled up in front of a nondescript building, slightly shorter than the ones surrounding it and kind of drab. Its concrete walls had once been a refreshing white along the coastline of Varese, but now it was a sickly beige colour. </p><p>Lorcan looked up and down the street before stepping out of the car and locking it. No one looked his way as he crossed the road, reading the sign beside the front doors. <em>Cadre Private Security.</em>  </p><p>The plaque always had a glimmer of something bright in his chest, be it quiet amusement at the front or a sense of belonging or even a familial love, that no matter where, the cadre would always be one.  </p><p>He pulled the tinted glass doors open and walked through the stiflingly hot lobby, over the dirty and scuffed tiled floor. Hellas below, he understood that pretenses needed to be kept, but the no air conditioning was horrid.  </p><p>Lorcan pressed the elevator button, feeling it click and whir gently as the technology recognized his fingerprint. </p><p>He waited patiently for the elevator to stop and when it did, it was empty like always. Lorcan stepped in and subtly punched in the code that would grant him access to the restricted levels, far beneath the surface of the earth.  </p><p>The elevator shot down smoothly, going past the parking garages and other underground levels. He knew that there were cameras and other biometrics scanning him and that if he didn’t have the authority to access the hidden levels, the ride would stop at the lowest parking level.  </p><p>Lorcan watched the level numbers glow green and stood still as the elevator came to a gentle stop and the doors slid open automatically.  </p><p>The moment he stepped out of the elevator, he was greeted by cool air and sighed in relief. He despised the heat.  </p><p>Lorcan walked across the laminate floor, nodding a hello to the receptionist sitting at the desk. “Good morning, Philippa.”  </p><p>“Good morning, Agent Salvaterre.” </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Elide slept fitfully for a couple hours more after Lorcan left. After ten minutes of hiding from the sun by burying her face in his pillow and switching positions every thirty seconds, Elide decided to accept the fact that she wouldn’t fall back to sleep and there was nothing she could do about it. </p><p>With a sigh, Elide got up and padded over to his closet, swapping his black dress shirt for a pair of sweats that practically drowned her and one of his old hoodies. She walked over to the dresser he kept, opened the top drawer that she had slowly begun to take over and grabbed her tortoise shell hair clamp to twist her short but thick hair and clip it back. </p><p>Then, she walked out of his room, out the short hallway before she got to the top of the stairs, which were located beside the windows that went from the floor to the ceiling of his second floor. Elide stepped down the stairs, her hand resting elegantly on the railing. </p><p>Elide sighed again and rubbed her eyes as she walked into his pristine, state of the art kitchen. </p><p>She looked out the wall of floor to ceiling windows, wondering where in the city Lorcan’s clients would take him today as she filled up the kettle in the sink. </p><p>After putting it on the stove and turning the burner on, Elide picked up the remote control and turned on the big, sleek flatscreen. A voice in the back of her mind reminded her the revisions for her thesis weren’t done yet. Elide scowled as she flipped through the channels and landed on a rerun of a baking show. </p><p>Reasoning with herself, she decided to take the day off. Between the extra class load undergrad psych courses she’d agreed to teach and research for her graduate degree, as well as spending more and more time with Lorcan… she deserved a break. </p><p>Taking the day off would give her time to think about them. And about dinner. </p><p>Elide thought about their relationship as she fixed herself a cup of tea. Being with Lorcan was simple. Not at all serious, just some harmless fun, but still, quite possibly her most valued relationship nonetheless. </p><p>There were times, so many gods-damned times when she wanted <em>more</em>. And thought that he felt that way, too. </p><p>Like when their intimate activities were done for the night, when they both passed out where they dropped onto the sheets, Lorcan would search the king-sized mattress until he could pull her close against him. In all the nights she had spent with him, Elide had not once fallen asleep without his arms around her. Or when, he had had a hard day, he would call her in the middle of the night - when he knew she was still up working tirelessly on her degree - just to hear her talk and ramble about whatever she’d learned that day. </p><p>He listened to her like… he loved her, like she loved him. </p><p>He trusted her with his life and he wanted to <em>talk</em> to her. What else could he have to say, right? </p><p>Elide had a distinct feeling that everything as they knew it would change today.</p><p> </p><p>Get in. </p><p>Get the list. </p><p>Get out. </p><p>Lorcan repeated it like a mantra as he moved through the seemingly abandoned building like a shadow. He breathed calmly, keeping his nerves in check.<em> It’s just another work day, keeping it together,</em> he told himself, schooling himself into detached neutrality as he continued through the house. </p><p>Methodically, he checked every room he passed, toeing the door open and stepping in, smoothly pointing his gun and checking every inch of space before moving on. </p><p>He listened intently, his ears nearly twitching with every sound besides his own breathing and steady steps. </p><p>The radio in his ear crackled to life, <em>“Upstairs, second door on the right.”</em> Connall and the team at headquarters had been tracking the computer - the one that held Erawan’s list of suppliers and dealers - for months and it would finally come to an end today. </p><p>The house around him remained eerily quiet, but Lorcan shook it off as his own tension as he moved up the stairs, studying them briefly and avoiding places he knew would creak too loudly. </p><p>Like the good spy, like the good little soldier he was years ago, Lorcan checked the first rooms first, then the one opposite the room the computer was in. Nobody was there. </p><p>And just when he was thinking the gods hadn’t forsaken him again, Lorcan walked into the second room on the right and bit back his low curse. It was stupid, juvenile and foolish to think that the gods had ever cared, for the man sitting behind the very laptop countless people had died for had a bullet wound in the middle of his forehead and the wall behind him was splattered with blood and the laptop had been torn apart. </p><p>“C?” </p><p><em>“L?”</em> </p><p>“They got it. Laptop’s ripped open and,” he walked in further, swallowing his gag at the reek of blood, “they shot their guy. Been here… half an hour, at most.” Which meant someone was following him. </p><p>There was a pause and Lorcan heard Connall take a breath to speak but then, “Wait. Shh.” </p><p>Connall didn’t fight it, didn’t speak another word as Lorcan listened, narrowing his eyes and slowly putting his gun back in his shoulder holster. He could’ve sworn he’d heard something coming from… the hallway. </p><p>Lorcan gave the room one last glance and stepped out into the hallway, just in time to see a black clad figure sprint down the hall and jump, crashing through the window and onto the streets below them. </p><p><em>“What was that?”</em> Connall asked, evidently having heard the glass smashing. </p><p>“The list,” Lorcan bit out, already moving when Connall told him Nehemia was tracking the hard drive. “I’m in pursuit.” </p><p>Lorcan ran to the end of the hall, stopping himself from crashing through the pane and searching the rooftops. Two buildings away, there was that same shrouded figure hopping along the buildings of Morath, glancing back at Lorcan every so often. </p><p>“Tell Elide I’ll be late.” </p><p> </p><p>Her plan for a day off hadn’t worked. Elide had tried to relax, as Lorcan told her to constantly. She snorted to herself as she highlighted a passage and switched to a blue pen, scrawling a note on the margin. It was rich coming from <em>Lorcan</em>. The man could barely sit still for a half hour show without fiddling with something, dropping into push-ups or another exercise. </p><p>There were a couple trays of cranberry-orange muffins sitting idly by, ones Elide had made after getting a craving from the baking shows. She plucked one up, mindlessly picking at it and thinking to herself. </p><p>Her thesis advisor and mentor, a man named Weylan Darrow, sent her an email about her next review panel and she clicked on it, reading through his notes. He was a crotchety old man, that is, to everyone except Elide. He had developed a bit of a soft spot for her over the past couple years. </p><p>He had been a huge help - a godsend, really, during the years. Being a former foster child herself, writing on how the system affected cognitive development was a personal and delicate subject for her, but Darrow, as he preferred to be called, had always respected boundaries and pushed her to take time off when she needed it. </p><p>Elide zoned out and absentmindedly munched on her muffin, only realizing she’d been sitting at the kitchen island, staring off into space for a couple minutes when the buzzer sounded. </p><p>She got up and padded over to it, furrowing her brow as she tried to recall which button it was to talk. The largest was lit up and flashing green, so she took a chance and held it down as she said, “Hello?” </p><p>“Miss Lochan?” </p><p>“Yes?” </p><p>“Mr. Salvaterre had a package delivered for you. Would you like me to bring it up?” </p><p>Elide shook her head, forgetting for a second that they couldn’t see her. “Oh, no, Malakai, I’ll be down soon.” </p><p>“Alright, Miss Lochan. See you soon.” </p><p>Elide walked back to the counter and put ten or so muffins into a container for Malakai and his husband before she slipped on her shoes and went downstairs, wondering what on earth Lorcan had sent her. </p><p>One of his neighbours was in the elevator with her and they chatted idly. The older woman was a sweetheart and Elide gave her a muffin from the container, graciously thanking her for the invitation to have tea later that day. </p><p>Elide bid the woman good-bye and smiled at Malakai, handing him the container, “Fresh from the oven.” </p><p>He smiled and put the container under the front desk, coming back up with a sleek, black and silver edged dress box, tied together with a matching silver ribbon. “For you and,” he pulled up a matching black and silver bag with silver ribbon handles, “for you. There’s a note in there, too.” </p><p>She smiled, trying to control her blush as she fit the bag’s handles in her elbow and picked up the box, ignoring Malakai’s cheeky wink. “Oh, stop it.” </p><p>“I didn’t say anything.” </p><p>Elide just rolled her eyes and went back upstairs, making herself wait until she returned to the penthouse to open it. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Marama, do you have eyes on Salvaterre?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes, ma’am.” </em>
</p><p>Lorcan hardly heard the words flying over the radio in his ear as he dodged a cheap punch, ramming his elbow up into the masked figure’s face, hearing the telltale crunch of the man’s nose and using the advantage of the man’s head snapping back to lock him in a chokehold and put pressure on his windpipe. “Where is it?” </p><p>The man spoke an ancient, dirty language - one of the man legends say tried to rip the world in two. Lorcan snarled in his ear, gripping the top of his mask, “Tell me where it is or I swear to Hellas, I’ll throw you off this gods-damned bridge. <em>Tell me where it is.” </em></p><p>The man fought for breath and Lorcan let him struggle before loosening his hold, letting the man believe he had the advantage. “You will never find it.” </p><p><em>“I need two more minutes,”</em> Nehemia said, her voice tinged in desperation. </p><p>During the chase across the city to the decrepit bridge they stood on now, the man had dropped the hard drive, the small black square escaping Lorcan’s attention. Nehemia had managed to track it somehow, probably from the original tracker they had planted in the computer, and was deciphering its security features. </p><p>Lorcan ripped the mask from the man, turning him and leaning him over the railing, “Tell me where it is.” </p><p>Erawan’s man’s pupils were dilated, leaving only a thin circle of watery blue around the depthless black. Most of the fanatic’s forces took a drug hybrid Erawan and his team had crafted themselves and flooded the streets of every major international city with, a drug called Wyrd. It made one feel invincible, making them believe they could withstand any physical act like torture and harm. </p><p>Really, it just severed the pain receptor connection and the majority of users ended up near dead in the hospitals. </p><p>“You cannot stop the prophecy. He will reign supreme,” the man promised, choking slightly as the blood from his broken nose slid down his throat. </p><p>Lorcan fought the urge to roll his eyes and gripped the man’s collar, twisting the material until he could barely get a breath in, “I will break your neck, tell me where it is.” </p><p>The man clamped his jaw shut, biting down so hard and fast that Lorcan saw a cracked tooth when the man attempted to spit on him and instead, drooled down his weak chin. “You… you…will <em>never</em>… know.”</p><p><em>“Are you in position,”</em> that hissing viper voice snapped, not one part of the sentence in question. </p><p>
  <em>“Yes, ma’am. Three buildings southwest, clear view of Salvaterre and target.” </em>
</p><p>Lorcan was distracted for a split second by listening to Fenrys’ location, and the man grabbed at the chance, ramming his knee up between Lorcan’s legs and pushing him off. </p><p>That quickly, Lorcan was incapacitated by the pain in his body, hardly fighting the target as he stomped on his knee, forcing it to bend in a way no knee should. He swallowed his scream of pain, his head whipping to the side when he was punched in the face, already tasting blood in his mouth and spitting it onto the ground before fighting back. </p><p>The man was relentless, with zero regard for his own protection as he rained blows down on Lorcan, lashing out with his feet and knees. </p><p>Lorcan snarled and easily sidestepped the next punch, returning one of his own to the throat and one to his solar plexus. The man stumbled back, blood and saliva leaking down his face and fighting for breath. </p><p>Panting, the man attempted to strike, a hard jab to the stomach that had Lorcan bending reflexively and giving the man just enough time to slip away and sprint towards the city.  </p><p>Lorcan groaned in pain, rasping to the earpiece, “He’s running.” </p><p><em>“I got him,”</em> Fenrys said and Lorcan started running, pushing his agony down down down. <em>“I got him.”</em> </p><p>The man’s multitude of injuries started to heed his escape as Lorcan used every lesson drilled into him to keep his mind off the white hot pain in his left knee and tackled him to the ground, quickly pressing his knees into the man’s elbows and using his weight to keep him down. “Where the fuck did you put it?” </p><p>The man pressed his lips together, pure rage and unadulterated fury in his eyes. Somehow, he slipped his arm free and slashed, slicing the knife Lorcan didn’t know he had down Lorcan’s right cheekbone. Then, the target flipped them as Lorcan felt warm blood leak down his face and pressed the tip of his knife into Lorcan’s throat. “I will never tell you. The prophecy must come true, our king will be crowned at last.” </p><p><em>“What’s the hold up,” </em>Maeve snarled, wondering why he hadn’t shot yet. </p><p>Lorcan remained as still as possible, the cool metal edge of the blade cutting into his skin. He felt warm blood drip and pool in the hollow of his throat as Fenrys said he couldn’t get a clear shot. </p><p><em>“Take the fucking shot,”</em> Maeve ordered and the target was distracted by something. </p><p>That quick, Lorcan shoved him off, flipping them just as he heard the distinct sound of a bullet being shot through the radio and nearly instantaneously, searing pain ripped through his left side, forcing him to take a step back. </p><p>He bumped into something cold and metal, pausing as he slowly looked down and lifted his fingers to the hole in his black tactical shirt. They came away red and as if life was in slow motion, he looked up at the target, whose own eyes were widening. Swallowing thickly, Lorcan whispered, “Agent down.” </p><p>Then, he stumbled back another step and hit the railing, tipping over it and falling to the river. </p><p>The wind whipped at his body and he was so tired, he was in so much pain. </p><p>Eventually, he hit the water below with a resounding boom, the spray nearly touching the bridge he’d fallen from. As he grasped to the tendrils of life as the current swept him under, he felt someone cup his face and opened his eyes. </p><p>Elide floated above him, a gentle, peaceful sort of smile playing at her round lips. She didn’t say a thing and Lorcan tried, tried to tell her the words that had been locked away inside his ancient, wicked heart for an eternity, but there was too much water, down his throat, down his nose, in his eyes. </p><p>
  <em>Elide Lochan, I love you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It was a quarter to eight and Elide looked at herself in the mirror, appraising the vision. She could almost imagine how Lorcan would react. </p><p>First, his eyes would catch on her face and he’d smile - he always did and he never noticed. </p><p>Then, in afterthought, he would flick his gaze over her body and pause, his lips parting in a soft gasp as he drank in the sight of her curves. He would sear her skin with his stare as he looked at the way the black silk of the dress he’d bought her slid over her body. </p><p>Lorcan would walk up slowly, looking up and down her figure and then ruin the moment by doing something juvenile like grabbing her ass or saying something crass that had her laughing even though she would deny it until she was blue in the face. </p><p>Elide reached over for her earrings, single drop diamonds that had once belonged to her mother. She cast a harsh glance over her makeup, her cheeks heating at the deep maroon lip. Lorcan had a little bit of a thing for coloured lipsticks and liked to have her leave marks over his body. </p><p>She heard a knock on the door and her stomach clenched in anticipation. Elide breathed out slowly as she walked out of the bathroom and down the stairs, biting back her smile as she waltzed across the front hall and put her hand on the cool silver handle. </p><p>With one last calming sigh, she opened the door, not at all prepared to see Rowan and Connall standing on the doorstep, wearing somber faces. “Oh, hi. Lorcan’s not here right now, he’s still at work, I think. We’re going out.” </p><p>They looked at each other with unease and Connall stepped forward, the moon to his brother’s sun wearing a broken expression. “Ellie…” </p><p>She curled her shaking hands into fists, determined to not let them see her breakdown over nothing. Lorcan probably had to work late, she understood. They could reschedule. </p><p>“Ellie, Lorcan’s not… he’s not…” Connall’s voice died off and he looked in desperation at Rowan, who looked seconds from tears. </p><p>Her voice was dry and cracked when she dared whisper a question for which she dreaded the answer,</p><p>“Where is he?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oh he fucking dead doe - that’s where he is 😳 anyways, i just wanted to let everyone know that i will not be posting as often as i did with previous wips - frankly, i can’t keep it up, i’ve been writing pretty much nonstop since april and im a lil tired. there are other contributing factors (ie, i have thirty chapters planned out + an extra scene and im writing it serially which i don’t usually do) but yeah, that’s what’s up! i am hoping to post twice a week on sundays and wednesdays and that may drop to once but whatcha gonna do</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>it's sad. it's just sad ok.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Elide woke up on the large couch in Lorcan’s living room. She’d been sleeping there for the past three days - Rowan told her to stay here. To take her time. </p><p>She didn’t deserve it. </p><p>Who was she to mourn a man she thought of as <em>stress relief</em>? Who was she to mourn a man she’d known for… not even a year? Just because she loved him- that didn’t mean anything. Didn’t give her the right to grieve for him. </p><p>She couldn’t bear to sleep in his bed, the one they had shared for such a precious amount of time, so she opted for the plush couch, which, despite its luxury, was still uncomfortable. Elide wished she could, just to be wrapped up in his sheets, but her heart had cracked the moment she’d stepped foot in and Rowan had found her hours later, shaking on the threshold of his bedroom.</p><p>It took more energy than usual for Elide to get to her feet and shuffle into the kitchen, body and mind on autopilot as she made her daily tea. </p><p>The burial today. Rowan and Vaughan had managed to find an Ozuye healer to conduct the rituals, per Lorcan’s people and heritage. </p><p>There was no body. In the mugging gone wrong, he’d been brutalized so badly that… there wasn’t a body to bury. </p><p>Her chest heaved at the thought of the man she loved being hurt that badly. That he had died alone and in pain without knowing she loved him. </p><p>Everything tasted like ash in her mouth. Her tea, her porridge, the fresh fruit Darrow had sent her from his peach tree. She could only eat three bites before her stomach was full and she had to dump it all in the green bin, hugging her stomach and trying not to cry. </p><p>The oven clock told her she had just under two hours till the service, which meant she had just enough time to have a shower and make herself look presentable. </p><p>She opted to use the downstairs bathroom and after, she didn’t have enough strength to ignore Lorcan’s thick bathrobe and donned it, wrapping the belt twice around her waist before tying a neat knot. It smelled like his cedar shampoo and like the sweetgrass and white sage he smudged with. It almost felt like his arms around her and Elide found it in herself to smile softly, pulling the soft collar up to her face and burying her nose in the fluffy material, inhaling his scent. “I miss you,” she whispered, kissing the collar once. </p><p>Elide padded back out into the living room, undoing her hair clip and letting her hair fall free just as someone knocked on the door. Panic seized her and she had to remind herself that Rowan and Connall had already told her, that Lorcan was already dead. </p><p>Still, her heart remained in her throat as she walked over to the door and opened it, protecting herself by remaining half hidden by the door. </p><p>It was Aelin, who stood there with a bag of clothes. “Ellie, hi.” </p><p>“Hi, Ae.” She stood to the side and opened the door more fully, letting Aelin in. “What have you got?” She looked down the hallway and saw Nehemia bustling with a tray of coffees and a parchment pastry bag. </p><p>“Oh,” the golden haired woman said, flipping her hand dismissively, “Ro told me you hadn’t been home and I figured you didn’t have any clothes here so I popped by your place.” Aelin hadn’t stopped moving after she put down the near bursting bag. She was flitting over everything, touching every surface and running her finger over the edge of the bookcase, frowning at the non existent dust. “There’s a nice dress - go put it on, sweetheart, ok? Nehemia will get your hair fixed for you.” </p><p>The door shut and Elide turned to see Nehemia, whose eyes were filled with barely concealed grief. “Elide, honey. Did you eat today?” </p><p>“Wasn’t hungry,” she said. She still wasn’t, but Elide knew better to say no to Nehemia as the dark skinned woman pressed a pain au chocolat and an iced latte in her hand. </p><p>“I made sure it was iced,” Nehemia said, putting the coffee and other pastries down on the kitchen counter and then smoothing the skirt of her knee length sheath dress, its black sleeves going down to her wrists. The ends of her signature cornrows were twisted into a bun at the nape of her neck, no golden cuffs adorning them today. </p><p>“Thank you,” Elide said, sipping from her coffee and taking a bite of her croissant. She took another and another when the two women gave her pointed looks. She looked down at her hands, “Really, I don’t deserve it. Me and him… we were never really anything serious, but I- I loved him. I <em>love</em> him.” </p><p>They both smiled sadly and approached her, hugging her carefully to avoid upending her breakfast. Nehemia cupped the back of her head while Aelin’s arms wrapped around her waist. </p><p>“We know,” whispered Aelin, resting her cheek on Elide’s shoulder. “Ohitekah, he… you know.” Per what Vaughan had told them, the deceased’s given name was never to be used again, for they feared his soul and being would never be able to cross over to the next plane. Vaughan had shared Lorcan’s second name with her first and Elide hadn’t been able to help her tears when he told her it meant brave and war-like. </p><p>She cried, feeling the two of them take the coffee and the pastry from her hands and putting them elsewhere. “It’s ok, we’ve got you,” Nehemia said, kissing the top of Elide’s head. “We got you.” </p><p> </p><p>It took a little convincing to let Aelin let her drive herself, but Elide managed it. She needed the calming effect of driving, just her, the car, and the road. </p><p>She took his Aston Martin over her Jeep Wrangler, feeling him in the sleek leather interior, feeling the warmth of his hands when she gripped the steering wheel and pulled out of the parking garage just behind Aelin’s car. </p><p>The rain pattered onto the windshield and Elide thought the weather was fitting today. </p><p>The cemetery was fifteen minutes outside of the city and it only took five for a sinister voice in Elide’s mind to whisper vicious, hateful things. </p><p>
  <em>You never cared about him. You only loved him when he died. You’re selfish - going to his memorial service and disrupting his hurting family is selfish.  </em>
</p><p>Elide drove on, trying desperately to keep her tears at bay as she pulled into the parking lot, parking away from everyone else. Maybe she shouldn’t have taken his car, maybe one of the boys would like it… Fenrys. Maybe Fenrys would want it. She should ask him. </p><p>After a few minutes of waiting, Elide opened the door and opened her umbrella, putting it over her head and walking over the gravel to the small, quaint and intimate graveyard. </p><p>She unlatched the gate and looked up, realizing the service had already begun and she was late. Fuck, what was <em>wrong</em> with her? Why was she even here? Nobody asked her to, nobody invited her. </p><p>Anneith above, this was so rude, but she couldn’t exactly go back, certainly not when Rowan spotted her and nodded his head once, then turned back to the priestess. Elide looked past the line of black clad mourners and saw a bundle - the ashes of some of his most prized possessions so he could have him wherever he went - dressed in beautiful fabric, the beadwork to die for. </p><p>She thought about taking a step forward but stopped herself and stood beneath a tree. Elide watched, with misty eyes until the last requirements had been done and what remained of the man she knew had been buried. </p><p>Slowly, slowly people started to walk away, huddled together underneath umbrellas. It looked like Aelin was tucked into Rowan’s side, but, really, the blonde woman was shoring her husband up. </p><p>Nehemia had her hand tucked into Fenrys’ elbow and held onto Vaughan’s hand, squeezing it and smiling softly at the two of them. Connall brought up the rear, hands in pockets and head hanging low. </p><p>Rowan spotted her first and offered a slight smile. “Elide,” he said, his voice low and rolling, his strong burr running over his words, “I’m glad you came.” </p><p>“I- I’m sorry I did. I know I probably shouldn’t have, but–” </p><p>Rowan hugged her tightly, waiting until Elide tentatively wrapped hers around his waist. “He wanted you to be here. You’re family, Elide.” He pulled away and gave her a slightly grief-strained, but supportive, smile. </p><p>She was passed off to Aelin, who wiped her tears away and kissed her brow, “I won’t be there this afternoon ‘cause I have dress rehearsal, ok? But me and Nehemia will come over tonight, if you want.” Aelin was a concert pianist for the Wendlyn Opera Company and the spring show would be starting in a week. </p><p>Elide looked at her in confusion, “What’s happening this afternoon?” Aelin gave her a quizzical glance and looked up at her husband, her question dying on her lips as Rowan subtly shook his head twice. Repeating herself, Elide stared directly into Rowan’s eyes, making it impossible for him to look away. “Rowan, what’s happening this afternoon?” </p><p>Everyone else suddenly found other places to be as Rowan sighed and toyed with the cuff of his suit jacket. “They’re reading the will. Ohitekah… his lawyer called this morning to say that you needed to be there.” </p><p>The ground was falling out from beneath her feet and Elide blinked slowly, not quite sure she’d heard him correctly. “Wh, why would I need to be there, Rowan?” </p><p>“I don’t know, Ellie. All I know is that you’re named in his will so… you need to be at the reading.” </p><p>Elide nodded dumbly, her mind reeling. “O… kay. Ok. Um, yeah, yeah, I’ll- uh, I’ll drive there - where, where is the office?” </p><p>Rowan gently took the keys from her and passed them off to someone else, Elide wasn’t sure who. “I’ll drive. C’mon, we’re gonna be late.” </p><p> </p><p>When they got to the office, Rowan offered Elide one of the chairs before the sleek, glass desk as they waited for Lorcan’s lawyer. The others sat on the couches placed around the large room. </p><p>They sat in silence, all fiddling with something. Elide chewed on the inside of her cheek, knowing it would sting later when she ate anything and not caring enough to stop. The door opened and she didn’t turn as she heard the click of heels approach the desk. </p><p>A beautiful woman with moon-white hair sat down on the opposite side and placed a slim envelope on the deak. “Hello, my name is Manon and I had the utter delight of being Mr. Salvaterre’s lawyer,” she said, her voice low and sultry. </p><p>Manon looked to Elide and her burnished, golden eyes pinned Elide to her seat. “You must be Elide.” Her plush lips - painted a deep black - curled into a slight grin. </p><p>“Yes, that’s me,” Elide said, tilting her chin up in semi-defiance and tracking her gaze over Manon’s face, catching the mild respect that flashed across her eyes. “I’m not sure why I’m supposed to be here.” </p><p>“Ah, well,” Manon said, using a long, stiletto acrylic to slice open the top of the envelope, “I will tell you. Ohitekah’s affairs are all rather simple, I have to say. For a cold bastard like himself, I’d expect a bit of sadism, but alas.” Emotions flew across her breathtaking face and Elide was not shocked, though she wasn’t sure why, to see an echo of grief, a mirror of old familiarity. She could see why he chose Manon to be his lawyer and could see some sort of relationship beyond lawyer and client. “Are we all ready?” </p><p>There were murmurs of assent and silently, Rowan reached over to squeeze Elide’s hand tightly. Elide didn’t look at him, but nodded slightly, assuring him she could handle it. “Yes.” </p><p>“Alright then, let’s start.” </p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me?” </p><p>Manon looked up at Elide over the will, a manicured brow arched, “Yes?” </p><p>Elide’s heart slammed against her chest and she floundered for words, opening and closing her mouth a comical amount of times. “I just- did you say I am…” </p><p>“Mr. Salvaterre made it clear that he left his apartment, car and a portion of his estate to you.” </p><p>“But I- we weren’t married.” </p><p>“I am aware of that, as was my client. As it states, in no uncertain terms, this he left to you,” Manon said, passing over the paper and letting Elide read over it. </p><p>Her eyes widened slightly as she read over the rather lengthy list of assets. It had all, save for a healthy portion that was hers, been split up between the boys. Nehemia and Aelin were also named individually and what was left had been dedicated to his tribe. “So I… I own his apartment. And his car. And this- this money is mine?” </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>“Ok, um, I think,” Elide stood up, dropping the will back on the table, “I need a minute.” She walked backwards, startling as she bumped into the chair. “I’ll just be a minute.”</p><p>Rowan stood up as well and Elide threw her hand out, her chest rising and falling raggedly with her panicked breaths, “No, I need to be alone. I-I just need one moment.” </p><p>She was not proud when she fled the office, her heels clacking loudly on the floors as she ran to the nearest stairwell. </p><p>Elide slammed the doors open and dashed up the stairs, running up and up and up until she reached the roof. She slammed that door open too and slowed her running, the door clicking shut beside her as she leaned against the wall and slid down to the ground, her dress probably ruined by the rain and the dirty roof. </p><p>Then, Elide sunk her head in her hands and cried.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>Six Months Later</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>“Elide it’s fine already, go to lunch - you’ve been here all morning,” Darrow chided her from behind his desk. Elide flashed him a grin and scooped her papers up, resting them against her laptop. </p><p>“I’m going, I’m going! Having lunch with that crazy niece of yours,” she teased, laughing as he rolled his eyes and waved her out of his office. </p><p>She sighed as she closed the door behind her and went down the hall to her little office space. It was barely big enough to have her desk and one plant, let alone meetings so hers were held in Darrow’s more spacious room. </p><p>After she put her stuff away and grabbed her jacket, Elide would be going to have lunch with Aelin, who’d she had only grown closer with over the past half year. Nehemia too - the three of them had a standing group night on Fridays where they would all convene in what was once Lorcan’s apartment and have a mellow night in. They used to go out more to clubs and bars, but Aelin hadn’t wanted to be out late or do any sort of partying for the past few months. </p><p>It was slightly drizzling outside today - standard for fall in Varese - as she walked to her car. Even though she could’ve driven what was technically hers now, Elide had never liked driving Lorcan’s car. It lived in the parking garage and she kept it in tip-top shape, always running a finger over the black vehicle for dust. If she found any, she would carefully drive it to the car wash and top up whatever infinitesimal amount of gas she’d used.</p><p>Sometimes Fenrys came over to take it for a drive and Elide was always happy to let him take it. He always came back with red eyes to give her the keys back and Elide never questioned him. </p><p>The drive to Emrys’ cafe was a fifteen-minute drive, all the way on the other side of the city from Elide’s school, but it was close to the studio that Aelin practiced and recorded music at so Elide never minded. </p><p>She found a spot just behind Aelin’s green ‘67 Ferrari 275 and waited for a truck to pass before stepping out and locking her car. She looked both ways before jogging across the road and popping into the shop. </p><p>As she put her jacket away, Elide scanned the cafe and saw Aelin had already claimed a two-seated table and had ordered them a drink each. She looked ridiculously happy and Elide couldn’t wait to find out why. Maybe she’d be able to worm it out of Aelin before their family dinner tonight. Because that’s what they were now - family. </p><p>Aelin stood to hug her when Elide arrived at the table and they both sat down again, smiling gently. “Elide, babes, how are you? How’s that boring uncle of mine?” </p><p>“Darrow’s great, as usual,” Elide said with a slight eye roll at their dramatics. Darrow had always claimed to be above such things, but his flair for the dramatics rivaled Aelin’s. “My research is going well, too. I’ve really narrowed down my thesis proposal, so it’s looking up.” After… <em>it </em>happened, Elide’s work had taken a hit. </p><p>She hadn’t been able to think about going to school until she imagined what Lorcan would say. How he would cajole her into going and how he would neg her until she did. </p><p>It had been hard after that too, but she still went. Still paid as much attention as she could bear and was almost present in most conversations. </p><p>She loathed to admit, it tore at her heart to say it, but things were getting easier. Every day, every moment it was easier to breathe. To smile and sleep and to live. In a world without him, in a world where it became just a bit more difficult to find something that reminded her of him. </p><p>They chatted idly after ordering their lunches - a soup for Aelin and a sandwich for Elide - and Elide finished her cup of tea. “Are you going to keep me waiting? I want to know your secret, Ms. Galathynius.” </p><p>Aelin’s eyes sparkled and she broke into the largest grin Elide had ever seen. Opening her mouth, Aelin was about to tell her when Luca interrupted them with their food. “For the lovely ladies,” the young man said, bowing theatrically. </p><p>They chuckled and spoke to him for a couple minutes before Emrys was calling him back to the kitchen and they dug in. </p><p>Elide took a bite of her sandwich, speaking around the food in her mouth, not that Aelin would care, “So, spill. I am not waiting till tonight.”</p><p>Aelin laughed joyously, her bright laughter flitting around the intimate shop. “Let me have some soup first, ok?” She took a spoonful of her tomato soup and dipped a torn-off piece of brown bread into it before popping it in her mouth. </p><p>Rolling her eyes, Elide stewed and silently ate, tracking Aelin’s every move until the blonde finally put her spoon down and cleared her throat, taking a sip of water. Then, she put her hands in her lap and waited for Elide to place down her sandwich, waiting eagerly. </p><p>“I’m pregnant with- with twins.”  </p><p>The air left her lungs and Elide gaped, her jaw dropping. “Oh my gods, are you serious? How long?” </p><p>Tears, happy ones for once, popped up in Aelin’s eyes and she offered Elide a watery smile, “Three months today. I had my appointment earlier and… I’m so happy.” </p><p>Elide stretched her arm across the table and grabbed Aelin’s hand, squeezing it supportively, “I’m happy for you, my love. So happy.”</p><p> </p><p>The penthouse was cold when she got home. Nobody was there to greet her and putting her one jacket up on the coat rack only reminded her of how lonely she was. </p><p>Elide dropped her laptop and bag on the kitchen island and turned the lights on. She sighed, sitting on one of the stools, and looked to the living room, the sheets and blankets she used to make up the couch to sleep on every night neatly folded on the end cushion. </p><p>She was definitely pathetic for not being able to sleep in the perfectly fine bed upstairs, but she couldn’t. </p><p>That was the bed <em>they </em>shared. He held her in that bed, kissed her, fucked her in that bed. She’d fallen in love in that bed, with the man the sheets smelled like. </p><p>And now Aelin was pregnant. She and Rowan would have their own little babes, made from scratch. </p><p>She should be happy. Elide <em>was </em>happy, but… she wanted to cry. To scream at the unfairness. They were married, they were in love and they got a baby? No, not <em>a </em>baby, twins. <em>Twins</em>.  </p><p>How was it fair for them to have everything she hadn’t known she wanted with Lorcan? Maybe it made her a horrible person, but Elide wished for a second something bad happened to them both. She cursed herself for it, reminding herself that they, too, had lost Lorcan.</p><p>Elide couldn’t help the tears and the sob that tore from her throat. She cried loudly, her shoulders shaking as she put her forearms on the marble countertop and put her head in the crook of her elbow, her cries somewhat muffled. </p><p><em>I just want you back, Lorcan,</em> Elide thought to herself. <em>Just for a minute, ‘cause I need some help. I need you. </em></p><p>No one answered and Elide wasn’t sure if she’d been expecting it. Slowly, she got up and walked upstairs, sniffling once. Elide hugged herself, turning her head to wipe her nose on the shoulder of her sweater. </p><p>She turned on the hall light and looked around the level hardly anyone had set foot on in months. Walking to the end of it, to the door waiting there, Elide dragged her hand along the wall, looking at the bareness of it. </p><p>She looked to her right, out the wall of windows, reaching out to press her finger against a raindrop that hadn’t yet fallen down the glass. For a few seconds, time stopped and Elide watched the rain, letting its calming pitter-patter soothe her frayed soul. </p><p>With one shaky sigh, Elide padded the rest of the way to his bedroom and opened the door, holding her breath as she stepped over the threshold for the first time in six months.</p><p>Nothing had been changed. The sheets were still rumpled and a visible layer of dust over every surface. </p><p>Elide ignored the disarray and walked to the bed, fingering the black dress shirt she’d worn that last morning with him. Silently, Elide undressed and donned the shirt, the cool material practically drowning her. She didn’t mind it at all and did up a few buttons before crawling into bed and pulling the thick duvet up to her chin. </p><p>Sinking back into the plush mattress and pillows, silent tears streaking from her shut eyes, Elide thought about him. About life with him. What could have been. </p><p>If they’d gotten married, would they have stayed here? In the middle of Varese? She’d always loved the Wendlyn countryside, maybe they would’ve moved out there, to a large property and house settled at the heart of their land. </p><p>Elide didn’t know how long it took, but eventually imagining a life that would never be exhausted her and she fell into a deep, grief soaked slumber. </p><p>What had once been her refuge, a gentle, comforting oblivion, was now a tragedy, something she couldn’t look away from. </p><p>Lorcan was in a hospital room, a glass door separating them. On the bed, a dark haired boy was asleep. He must have been seven or eight and he was the spitting image of Lorcan, except he had a soft and gentle face as he dozed. </p><p>A smile, soft and beautiful, appeared on Lorcan’s face as he looked at the child and then he turned around, facing the door and Elide. In his arms, he cradled a precious bundle - a wee little one whose arrestingly caramel eyes were wide open and staring out the room’s window towards the night sky. </p><p>Tears burned the back of her eyes and Elide put her hand on the handle, twisting it only to find it was locked.</p><p>“E,” Lorcan said, shifting the baby to one arm and the other he stretched out to her, beckoning her in, “come in, love.” </p><p>“I’m trying,” she said, her voice shaking. “Lor, I’m trying, unlock the door.”</p><p>“It’s already open,” he told her, a serene smile on his face. “C’mon, meet our kids. They miss you.” </p><p>“Lor- Lorcan,” she sobbed, her voice cracking, “stop, just open the door, please, baby, I-.” Elide tried again, yanking on the handle and pressing her hand against the glass. “Let me in, please. Open the door.” </p><p>“It’s unlocked, just open it.”</p><p>“No, no- it’s not,” she said, crying harder, “I miss you so much, please just stay with me.” </p><p>“I will be with you always,” he promised, giving her a smile before looking down at the baby in his arms and leaning down to press a soft kiss to her forehead. “I promise.” </p><p>It was like a bucket of ice cold water was dumped on her and Elide woke up, the sheets and duvet twisted around her, a result of her thrashing. Her chest rose and fell unevenly as she gulped down air and pressed her hands to her cheeks, her fingers coming away wet and salty.</p><p>With a heavy sigh, Elide worked on untangling the fabric wrapped around her and looked at the clock on his nightstand. </p><p>Rowan and Aelin were expecting everyone at their townhouse at six o’clock sharp. It was nearly half past four now and she climbed out of bed, stumbling into the bathroom and looking into the mirror. </p><p>She saw her puffy eyes, tear-tracked cheeks, and red nose. Elide looked and felt very much like shit and she breathed out slowly, trying to calm herself before she left for dinner. </p><p> </p><p>Lorcan Salvaterre thanked the cab driver as the man came to a stop outside a very familiar townhouse. He’d gone to his apartment first, not expecting to be welcomed by an empty apartment. </p><p>He had wondered if Elide had even taken the apartment - it wouldn’t have surprised him if she gave it to one of their friends - but her things were strewn about the place, papers overtaking the kitchen island and half-empty mugs of tea that had long since gone cold decorated the sparsely decorated unit. </p><p>By dumb luck, his first guess that she’d be at Rowan and Aelin’s was correct because he looked out the cab’s window to see every light on in the house and spied Fenrys through the front window, head thrown back as he laughed. </p><p>Lorcan parked his Aston Martin and got out, half-jogging across the rain slick road, flipping his hoodie hood over the messy bun he twisted at the nape of his neck. If there was one thing he was most thankful for for the old women who had found him, floating face-up in the weeds and reeds, it was that when they were fixing him up, they’d left his hair alone. </p><p>His heart beat frantically as he walked up the short steps and winced, his left shoulder stiff and aggravated from the past few days of travelling. He’d been in a small, unheard of village nestled in the heart of the Eyllwe forest, hidden away from the world. The women of the forgotten tribe had healed him like one of their own for the past six months. </p><p>Raising his fist, Lorcan knocked thrice and waited patiently. He heard the easy conversation inside fall silent and he could hardly breathe as the door opened and Fenrys appeared, his body half behind the door and a wary expression on his face. </p><p>Upon seeing Lorcan, Fenrys blinked hard and his jaw dropped open. Letting the door fully swing open, Fenrys hardly dared to ask, “Lorcan?” </p><p>“Hey, pup,” Lorcan said, smiling when Fenrys launched himself at him, wrapping his arms around Lorcan’s neck. The dark haired man’s smile grew softer and he put his arms around Fenrys. He knew Fenrys was crying and he lifted one of his arms to cup the back of Fen’s head. </p><p>By then, the others had been intrigued with the commotion and slowly peered into the hallway, all gasping when they saw Lorcan. Aelin went to greet him, her throat constricting, but Nehemia stopped her, looking sadly at her husband and his brother, whom Fenrys had thought he killed. “Just wait a bit,” Nehemia whispered, squeezing Aelin’s hand once. </p><p>“Is he really back,” Aelin breathed, her free hand ghosting over her stomach, where she’d just begun to show. It was a thing of comfort for Aelin and she found herself touching her belly when she was nervous or anxiety-ridden. </p><p>Nehemia didn’t have anything to say then and they watched Lorcan pull away and say words too low for anyone else to hear. Fenrys nodded and stood up, wiping his cheeks before jokingly planting a loud, wet kiss smack on Lorcan’s cheek. Lorcan rolled his eyes in good nature and wiped his cheek before looking to the others waiting, shell shocked, down the hall. “Oh, y’all having a party? Without me?” </p><p>Rowan let out a dry sob and the two friends met in the middle of the hall, hugging tightly. “Fuckin’ bastard, piece of shite wankstain,” Rowan muttered through his tears. “Couldn’t just stay dead, huh?”</p><p>“Fuck you too,” Lorcan said, smiling widely. They didn’t say anything else, just stood there, holding each other. It was simultaneous when they pulled apart, small grins on their faces. “I missed you.” </p><p>Rowan nodded, too emotional to say it back. Slowly, the other guys joined them and Nehemia and Aelin took their leave, retreating back to the living room. Aelin squeezed Nehemia’s hand, worrying her brow, “N… why is he back now?” </p><p>There was nothing good about the look in Nehemia’s eyes as she glanced to the front hall. Lorcan’s return brought on too many questions, ones she couldn’t answer and ones neither Aelin or Elide would like. “We’ll figure it out,” she whispered, gently pressing her hand to Aelin’s stomach and the babes she was carrying. “We always do.” </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Elide cursed herself after she thanked her driver, Ress, and hopped out of the black town car. The building had a car service and normally, she would never use it, but after she had gotten sucked back into her work and had been asked to fetch the cake, she hadn’t felt like driving herself. </p><p>Aelin had told her to dress nicely tonight, but Elide didn’t have time to change out of her leggings and hoodie. Throwing on Lorcan’s flannel made it look intentional so she just went with it. </p><p>The drizzle had turned into a full downpour and she ducked her head as she raced up the stone pathway and the stairs, precariously holding the bakery box. Elide looked out over the street as she dug out her keys, doing a double take when she saw Lorcan’s car sitting pretty across the road. </p><p>It didn’t make any sense, unless Fenrys had taken it, but she could’ve sworn she saw the only set of keys in the silver dish when she hurried out of the apartment. Logically, she understood Lorcan wasn’t back and that the only explanation was that Fenrys had taken it, but she couldn’t quell the hope that rose in her. </p><p>Hurriedly, Elide unlocked the door and rushed inside, already rambling, “Fen, did you take Ohitekah’s car? I could’ve sworn the keys were in the key dish.” Nobody answered her and Elide paused, slowly toeing off her shoes and continuing down the hall. “Guys?” </p><p>Elide tucked her short hair behind her ear, feeling the need to touch the chain around her neck that had once been Lorcan’s and run her fingertips up and down the cool silver links. She padded further into the house, her furrowed brows only wrinkling more and more when the house fell dead silent. “Guys, what’s happening?” </p><p>She turned the corner into the living room and froze, her eyes immediately zoning in on Lorcan, who was sitting on the edge of the coffee table, his long legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. With a gasp, she dropped the box, the cake no doubt smushed to bits because of her mishap. </p><p>Elide didn’t notice anything else, couldn’t articulate a single thought as Lorcan stood and took a step towards her, approaching her as if she were a wild animal. “Hey, Lochan.” </p><p>Elide let out a half-crazed laugh and flew towards him, crashing into his arms so hard that Lorcan rocked back a step. He banded his arms around her waist and pulled her against him, burying his face in her hair and breathing her in. </p><p>“Hey, Salvaterre,” she whispered, her hands gripping the back of his hoodie tightly. She pressed her face into the curve of his neck, her nose cold against his warm skin. Her lips, slightly chapped from biting them constantly, brush over his pulse as she asked tentatively, “Is this real?” </p><p>“Yes,” he promised her. </p><p>“And you’re not leaving?” </p><p>“Never again,” he said, kissing the top of her head. </p><p>Elide sniffled and cried once, still menacing when she muttered, “You better not.” </p><p> </p><p>The dark figure had been lying stomach down on the rooftop for hours, watching through the window as a family reunited. </p><p>His back was to the window, a perfect headshot lined up as they breathed in slowly and peered through the scope, watching the target hug the petite woman, who clung to him like a lifeline.</p><p>Their gloved finger slipped over the trigger of the rifle, the metal curve as familiar as an old friend. Willing their heartbeat to slow, they closed their eyes briefly, finding the headspace they needed for the task. </p><p>When they opened their eyes, ready for the kill, a viper’s voice crackled through the earpiece, cool and commanding, “Not tonight, dear. Let us allow them to enjoy themselves a little while longer, yes?” </p><p>“Of course, ma’am.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ooh ominous 👀</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Aelin cupped Elide’s face and smoothed her thumbs over Elide’s cheekbones, “You’re thinking too hard.” </p>
<p>Elide huffed a shaky laugh and blinked her tears away, “How did you know?” </p>
<p>“Oh,” Aelin said, smiling softly, “I know you, my dear. Tell him.” </p>
<p>Elide startled when a large, familiar hand brushed up against her lower back. “Tell me what?” She tilted her head up and smiled softly at Lorcan, her breath hitching in her throat. </p>
<p>“I’ll tell you later.” </p>
<p>Those dark eyes she’d missed so sparkled with something gentle and Lorcan hummed, “Alright, well, your carriage awaits, princess.” </p>
<p>At the old nickname, Elide’s stomach clenched and she tried to smile reassuringly, but failed if his furrowed brow was anything to go by. </p>
<p>Before Lorcan could ask her what was wrong, Elide took his hand. “We should go, then. Let you get some rest,” she said, looking to Aelin and her slight bump. </p>
<p>At the mention of rest, Aelin rolled her eyes as Rowan started ‘subtly’ booting everyone out. They all lingered around Lorcan until he rolled his eyes, “<em>Go</em>. I’ll be here.” </p>
<p>Elide bit her tongue to stop herself from snapping, <em>Can you blame us?</em> Nehemia clicked her tongue and kissed Lorcan’s cheek, “It’s just nice to have you home, Lorcan. We don’t want to lose you.” </p>
<p>“You won’t,” he said, rubbing his thumb over the back of Elide’s hand. “I’m back.” </p>
<p>Elide couldn’t help but think to herself, <em>For now. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lorcan glanced over at Elide as he drove, hardly looking at the road as he knew the city like the back of his hand. She held his free hand in her lap and toyed with his fingers, dusting soft kisses over the countless scars every once in a while. </p>
<p>Feeling his gaze on her, Elide looked up, flicking her eyes through the windshield, “You should watch the road.” </p>
<p>He smirked and pulled his hand from hers to grip her thigh, “Yes, ma’am.” Lorcan dutifully paid attention to where he was driving, his anxiety rising when she stayed deadly silent for the rest of the ride. </p>
<p>When they got back, Elide waited for him by the parking garage elevator as he locked the car and strolled up to her, his long legs eating up the distance in just a couple strides. He looked down at her clasped hands, seeing how she had pinched her skin red, and frowned, worried. </p>
<p>Elide offered him a shy smile when he reached out to take her hands. He smiled back at her and leaned down, kissing her forehead, “Are you alright, Elide?” It hit him like a blow to the gut how much he had missed saying her name, missed the way it rolled off his tongue so naturally</p>
<p>“Mm-hm. Peachy keen.” </p>
<p>Lorcan held back his sigh at her obvious lie and clenched his jaw. He took a calming breath, opening his mouth to say something when the elevator opened and Elide tugged him in behind her. She tucked herself into his side when he leaned back against the wall and pressed their floor’s button. </p>
<p>Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, Lorcan folded her into his chest and rested his chin on her head, “I really missed you, El.” </p>
<p>She sniffled and gripped his hoodie, not saying a word, but she stayed pressed against him. Elide only pulled away when the doors slid open and wiped her cheeks, “I missed you too. A lot.” </p>
<p>They walked down the empty hall and Lorcan entered the penthouse behind her. Elide moved to the kitchen, where the island was covered in various papers, books - some open and some closed - and her laptop, and began clearing it off. “You should have a shower. It’s been a-” her voice broke, “a long day.” </p>
<p>Again, Lorcan held in his sigh and walked past her to the stairs, pausing to kiss her cheek. She smiled and turned her head, her gaze flitting to his lips nervously before she slowly moved and pressed her lips to his for a short second. </p>
<p>That short, soft, uncertain kiss wrecked him. It stole the air from his lungs and it took a few seconds for him to recover from it. Elide’s cheeks were pink and she smiled, “Get your ass in the shower.” </p>
<p>“Yes, ma’am.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lorcan used his towel to dry his hair as he walked out of the bathroom, flicking his eyes over his virtually unchanged bedroom. He would ask her about it later, ask her why there was a neat stack of blankets on the sleek, leather couch downstairs, but he had a pretty good idea as to why. </p>
<p>He padded over to his dresser, pausing when something caught his eye and looking over his shoulder. </p>
<p>Elide was perched on the bed, nervously chewing on her lip. Lorcan decided that his boxers were fine attire for whatever this was, “El…” </p>
<p>She patted the spot beside her and he complied, sitting down next to her. Looking over her, he realized the flashy thing she’d been playing with was his chain and he smiled softly, “That’s mine.” </p>
<p>His voice startled her and Elide looked down at it, blinking once, “Yeah, um, I just… wanted to remember you.” </p>
<p>“Ah,” he said, nodding. Lorcan gazed at her, trying to memorize her face. He knew she knew that he was staring at her, but she refused to look back at him. “E.” </p>
<p>“Mm.” </p>
<p>Lorcan closed his eyes and sighed through his nose, “Look at me.” He looked sideways at her in time to see her shake her head no. “Princess, why won’t you look at me?” </p>
<p>“Because.” </p>
<p>“That’s not an answer.” </p>
<p>Pursing her lips to keep from crying, Elide breathed in deeply, “How do I know?” </p>
<p>“How do you know, what?” Lorcan was almost begging her to look at him. “Elide.” </p>
<p>Elide finally looked at him and the expression in her eyes cracked his heart in two when her face crumpled, “I don’t believe this, Lorcan. I can’t.” She shook her head, tears spilling down her cheeks. Lorcan was speechless, his eyes saddened as he watched her slip off the mattress and back away from him. “I don’t trust it.” </p>
<p>“What don’t you trust?” </p>
<p>She made an angry sound, “You!” </p>
<p>“Why not?” </p>
<p>It was like she broke in that moment. A sob ripped from her and she held her hands up when Lorcan stood up. “Because you were fucking dead for the past six months! Because I went to your funeral and I listened to your will and I can’t fucking do it again. I can’t pretend that you’re here again for it to all be a dream.” </p>
<p>“What dream?” </p>
<p>“I dream about you,” she whispered, tears streaming down her face, “every night. You come home and we–” Elide’s voice cracked and she sobbed, “we’re so <em>happy</em>. But you always leave. You’re always leaving me.” </p>
<p>He wanted desperately to comfort her, to hold her until she felt like nothing could hurt her anymore, but Lorcan stayed still, respecting the distance she wanted between them. “Not anymore. I’m not leaving again.” </p>
<p>“You say that every time,” she said, hugging herself tightly. “Why should I believe you?”</p>
<p>“Because,” Lorcan dared to take a step forward. When she didn’t move, he took another and another until she was forced to tilt her head up so that she could look at his face, his wild and beautiful face.</p>
<p>“I don’t- I don’t understand, Lorcan,” Elide whispered, her hands shaking. “How can- there wasn’t a body. Rowan and Connall told me you died. They were crying.” She reached out, delicately tracing her fingertips over his newest scar. “And I don’t understand.” </p>
<p>He swallowed once, wanting so badly to tell her everything and knowing he never could. “What did they tell you?” Elide looked up at him and then, he didn’t hesitate any longer. Lorcan scooped her up, cradling Elide against his chest as he walked over to his bed. He didn’t let her down for one second until he settled back against the headboard and put his arms down, giving her the choice to move if she wanted. </p>
<p>Elide shifted until she was straddling his waist, her eyes travelling from scar to scar, a violent history written on his skin for her to read. “They told me that you and a client were… attacked. In a mugging and,” her voice cracked and he cupped her face, stroking his thumb over her cheekbone, “they killed you. So- just… what happened? Why did you stay away for so long? From me?” </p>
<p>“I didn’t mean to,” he said, his throat aching with tears. “They didn’t know who I was, the doctors. I was in a coma, El, for a month and when I woke up… they didn’t know my name or how I got there. <em>I</em> didn’t know how I got there. Please believe me, I tried to get home- to you.” </p>
<p>“I believe you,” Elide murmured, leaning her face into his palm and resting her hands on his chest. “Lorcan, I-” she choked, her words strangled. “I…” </p>
<p>“Yeah?” Lorcan encouraged her, sitting up straight. “What is it?” </p>
<p>“I love you.” Her voice was quiet, but her words weren’t any less confident. “That night, I was going to tell you and I was so sure you would tell me that you loved me too, but–” </p>
<p>“I do,” he said, his heart in his throat, “Love you, I mean.” Lorcan breathed in deeply, calming his racing thoughts, “I love you, Elide. That’s why I wanted to have dinner with you and… yeah.” </p>
<p>She smiled, her freckled cheeks blushing softly. Then she leaned in, shy once more as she held his face in her palms and Lorcan moved his hands to her waist, squeezing as she pressed her lips to his. </p>
<p>They kissed for a few minutes, until Elide pulled away, her eyes bright. “We should sleep,” she reminded him, pushing his hair back. </p>
<p>Lorcan nodded, tilting his head to kiss her cheek, humming, “I guess we should.” </p>
<p>They sat in soft silence and Elide trailed her gaze over his face, snagging on the newest slash on his right cheekbone, “That’s new,” she murmured, carefully trailing her fingertip over the scar. </p>
<p>“It is,” he confirmed, wrapping his arms around her as she tipped her chin down and kissed it gently. </p>
<p>“Did you fall,” she murmured. </p>
<p>“Nope.” </p>
<p>“Lion tamer.” </p>
<p>“Mm-mm.” </p>
<p>“Fought a shark.” </p>
<p>“Wrong again.” </p>
<p>Elide hummed and climbed off his lap, walking over to his dresser to put her hoodie and leggings away. She padded back to him, wearing a pair of lace panties and a thin tank top. She crawled back into bed and settled under the duvet, stretching across the pillows and making grabby hands at him. </p>
<p>Lorcan rolled onto his back, staying still as Elide shifted on top of him, her forearms braced against his chest to prop her up. His hands slid down her back, one stopping on the small of her back and the other resting just beneath her ass. “Spaceship crash landing on the moon.” </p>
<p>“You’re really bad at this.” </p>
<p>“Shh, I’m trying,” she said, her fingers tracing idle patterns onto his chest. Elide yawned and settled against him, her face pressed into his neck. “Tried to fight a grizzly bear.” </p>
<p>“There are no grizzly bears in Wendlyn.” Elide didn’t answer and Lorcan could feel her falling asleep. He kissed the top of her head, rubbing her back soothingly, “Do you want me to tell you the truth?” </p>
<p>“Mmmm,” she hummed, wrapping her arms around his neck, “not now.” </p>
<p>But one day.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello my luvs ! im actually posting a day earlier than i thought i would be so enjoy !</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Something heavy pressed her into the mattress. It was a delicious feeling, whatever this weight was, and Elide opened her eyes to find Lorcan rested between her legs. </p><p>His head was beside hers on the pillow and the tips of their noses brushed when she turned her face towards him. The light of the morning sky lit up his features, harsh and wild as ever, but unguarded and soft in slumber. </p><p>As if feeling her gaze on him, Lorcan stirred and slit his eyes open, his irises so dark his pupils were lost. A small grin grew on his lips and his eyes fell shut again, “It’s early still, E.” </p><p>Elide hummed, turning her eyes over the miles of smooth brown skin on display as the blanket fell down around Lorcan’s waist. She ran her fingers up his bare arms where they stretched out across the mattress, caging her in. </p><p>She felt the dips and curves, grooves of muscle and sinew that she wanted to memorize again. Lorcan kept his eyes closed, but she knew that he understood what she was doing. </p><p>Then, Elide slid her hands into his hair and gently ran her slim fingers through the thick locks, untangling the knots. He made a pleased sound in his chest, the sound vibrating through her as Lorcan shifted above her, his lips brushing over her bare, freckle-dusted shoulder, where the thin strap of her tank top had slipped down. “What are you doing,” he murmured, his breath hitching in his throat when she wrapped her legs around his waist. </p><p>Elide chuckled lowly at his question and devoted her attention back to his thick arms, trailing her fingers up and down, up and down. </p><p>She turned her head, her lips brushing over the sensitive skin of his neck before placing a too-soft kiss beneath his jaw, “‘m just saying good morning.” </p><p>Lorcan hummed, moving his hands to her thighs and hitching them higher up on his sides, “Just good morning?” He punctuated the question with a concentrated thrust, his morning wood evident against her heat. </p><p>She gasped softly, her head tilting up and her lips grazing over his ear, “Maybe a little bit more than good morning.” His smile turned wicked and he pressed his lips to hers, his teeth snagging on her plush bottom lip. Lorcan soothed the sting with a flick of his tongue as Elide slid her hands back into his hair. </p><p>It was warm and protective, his body covering hers, their forms lined up as one. Digging her heels into his lower back, Elide urged him to grind his hips and he obeyed. She felt herself drip and took one of his hands, guiding it between her legs. “Are you going to tease me?” she asked, licking her tongue over his. </p><p>“I would never tease you,” Lorcan said, dipping his fingers past the soaked lace and stroking softly - too softly. </p><p>“Liar,” Elide bit out. She concentrated on kissing him, trying to distract from his touch, his touch that made her skin sear and her body arch for more, always for more. </p><p>Lorcan chuckled and withdrew his fingers, hooking on the waistband of the scrap of lace and pulling them down her legs before tossing them to the side, neither caring where they landed. Elide’s tank top rode up her flat stomach and Lorcan pulled away from her lips, leaning down and pressing his lips just beneath her navel. </p><p>He moved up, until the thin cotton caught on her chest and Elide groaned in frustration, quickly tearing it over her head and throwing it away. Lorcan laughed quietly against her skin and kissed the heavy underside of one of her breasts, sucking a delicate mark before moving up. </p><p>He looked up at her through his lashes as he wrapped his lips around her nipple, his tongue flicking over it until it had peaked in his mouth and Elide’s spine curved off the mattress, her head tilting back in ecstasy. “Please, L, please,” she said, grinding her bare core up against the bulge covered by his undershorts. </p><p>He ignored her pleas and focused his attention on her neglected breast, his hand coming up to cup and squeeze the other.</p><p>Nails digging into his scalp, Elide lost coherency, her skin flushed from his ministrations and her eyes heavy lidded in pleasure. “Fuck me,” Elide pleaded, crying out when he nipped her skin, “please, fuck me.” </p><p>“Whatever the princess wants,” he drawled, smirking when she scowled at him. Lorcan shed his boxers, his brow furrowing in an effort of restraint as their bare bodies lined up again and they could both feel how badly the other was affected. </p><p>Their lips found each other’s as Lorcan pushed in, slow and steady. “<em>Fuck</em>,” he growled, his cock squeezed by her tightness. </p><p>Elide breathed in deeply when he was fully seated inside her and she tightened her legs around his waist as he set a lazy pace. The time for mind blowing, all-consuming bliss would come later, but for now… it would be slow and thick, like honey in a jar. </p><p>All ready on edge, Elide tipped her head back, her throat exposed, pale skin for Lorcan to taste and tease as he thrusted into her languidly. Her long, perfectly manicured black, coffin shaped acrylics cut into his skin when she moved her hands to his back, clinging to him tightly. </p><p>Little gasps started to tear from her swollen lips with every unhurried snap of his hips and Elide couldn’t decide where to touch - his back, his shoulders, his chest - everywhere. </p><p>Her hooded eyes bore into his as she held his face in her smalls hands and kissed him, rolling her hips in an answer to his, “I love you.” Elide paired her soft confession with a purposeful clench around him, goading her lover into a true fucking. </p><p>Lorcan groaned low and deep, something purely male in the sound as he dropped his head into her neck and pistoned his hips harshly. “Fuck, I- I love you,” he whispered, fitting his teeth over the curve of her shoulder and biting down. </p><p>Elide let out a breathless cry, “Gods, I’m close.” She could feel it, could almost taste it on her tongue - a pressure like no other erupted under her skin, in her very bones. </p><p>Lorcan grinned and slowed his pace way down, pulling out and burying himself in her drenched centre over and over, until she came, her face scrunching up as she fell and then every feature easing as bliss resonated through her. </p><p>He was teetering over the edge of his own orgasm and Elide reached out lazily, grabbing his face and pulling him to her. The feeling of her tongue in his mouth, sliding and gliding over his tongue had him coming, his pelvis pressed against hers as he came and came, their skin sticky with sweat while Lorcan semi-collapsed over her. </p><p>They didn’t move as they both caught their breaths and Elide made a soft noise when he pulled out, their mixed releases dripping down her thighs. She sat up to go to the bathroom and deal with it, when Lorcan looked over at her, “Where you going?” </p><p>“To the shower,” she said over her shoulder, moving to set her feet on the floor when Lorcan abruptly tugged her back, gripping her hips. Elide’s back hit the mattress once more and she squealed at the sudden movement. </p><p>Lorcan looked down at her, something ravenous in his eyes as he slid down her body, his head between her thighs. Elide propped herself up on her elbow. “What are you- <em>oh</em>,” she moaned as he licked up the inside of her thigh. Her legs fell open and her hands fisted in the sheets beneath her. </p><p>A rough chuckle vibrated through her core and she rotated her hips for more more more. “Baby,” Elide whined, her body already shaking. His tongue split her slit in broad strokes, dipping deep with every pass. </p><p>She cried out when he flicked the tip of his tongue over her clit and her legs slipped over his shoulders, keeping his head in place. Elide could feel Lorcan smile against her slickness as her fingers wound through his hair and he feasted on her, ruthlessly pleasuring her until she came again, twisting to bury her face in a pillow and muffle her screams. </p><p>Lorcan looked extremely pleased with himself as he rose above her, planting his hands on either side of her head. “Water waste is a problem, E,” he said with a smirk. “We all have to do our part in the fight against climate change.” </p><p>Bright laughter bubbled out of her throat and she slapped his chest, pushing him off her and sitting up, “You’re impossible.”</p><p>“Just one of my many, <em>many </em>charms, no?” he said, falling onto his back. </p><p>She laughed again, successfully getting out of bed without him dragging her back and tugging on one of his t-shirts, “You’re lucky I like you so much, Salvaterre.” </p><p>Elide stretched her arms above her head, smiling and leaning back into Lorcan when he slid his arms around her waist, bending to tuck his chin in the crook of her neck. “That I am, Lochan.”</p><p> </p><p>“What are you thinking about,” he murmured, slowly tracing his fingertips over her soft skin, pink like a peach. </p><p>They lounged in the large bath, sunken beneath cedar-scented bubbles and warm water. Elide let out a long exhale, her toe tapping the faucet. “I didn’t think my life would be this way, you know?” </p><p>Lorcan snorted, turning to kiss the side of her head and breathe in her lavender shampoo, “All too well.” Elide chuckled, tilting her head back to rest it in the crook of his neck. “Is there anything else?” </p><p>“Lots of things,” she whispered, nipping the skin of his sharp jaw. “It’s a long, long list, L.” </p><p>“Will you tell me what’s on this list of yours, Elide?” </p><p>She was silent, contemplating something. Just when Lorcan opened his mouth to probe her further, Elide beat him to it, “I don’t know much about you. Your life. I know <em>you</em>, but I don’t know what made you you.” </p><p>He stiffened beneath her, trying to battle the urge to withdraw within himself and change the subject. But when she went to move, to check on him, Lorcan slid his arms around her, letting her know he was fine and it was ok of her to ask. “What do you want to know?” </p><p>“...how does one start working in the private security field?” </p><p>He shrugged, dipping his head to press his lips to the curve of her shoulder, trailing the smattering of freckles with kisses. “Depends. We all met when we were soldiers. Vaughan and I are the youngest.” </p><p>“Really? Did you just join earlier?” </p><p>Lorcan huffed a laugh, shaking his head, “Not exactly. Not like the others.” </p><p>Elide sighed, “That’s rather cryptic. What was different?” </p><p>“The others… they enlisted out of the love for their country when they were all twenty-one. I think Fenrys might’ve lost a bet and Connall followed him to make sure he didn’t die or something. Rowan’s family had a long history in the army, so it was expected of him, but he got his degree before enlisting.” </p><p>She thought to herself, trying to deduce why Vaughan and Lorcan were different. Lorcan fell silent. He loved watching her think, her brow furrowing and her eyes flitting to and fro, as if she was looking at her thoughts laid out before her. </p><p>After a moment or two, she gave up, dropping her feet back into the water. “I don’t get it. Will you tell me, please?” </p><p>“Of course, princess,” he murmured, beginning to toy with her hands as he told her the tale. “Vaughan and I grew up in the poorest neighbourhood in Doranelle, a mostly Ozuye* community. In high school, the military sends in recruiters. There would be days they’d come in and we’d have late starts, something like ten o’clock. All you know is that the military wants to run a few tests, just some basic fitness drills and knowledge tests.” Lorcan’s eyes unfocused and the muscle in his jaw feathered. “They give you breakfast and lunch, snacks when you leave school. </p><p>“If you get good scores, they take you aside, talk about how you can get a post secondary education for free if you join. You can even make six grand in their ‘future soldiers program’ but you can only collect it <em>after </em>bootcamp.” His voice was tight, his words almost bitten off. “None of the kids there can afford any university or college without scholarships and loans, so they tell them they can go for free and have a guaranteed career afterwards.” </p><p>Elide was horrified and heartbroken, that <em>children </em>from the most vulnerable community in the country were being targeted to be carrion for the nation. Like their lives mattered less. She hadn’t exactly had, on any level, an easy childhood, but what she’d had was a blessing compared to Lorcan and his peers. </p><p>Lorcan continued, “So, you tell them you’ll think about it and go on with your lives. Then, they start calling you. Emailing. Sending letters and harassing your family, your close friends. My-” his voice broke, “my sisters, they were only eight and a recruiter visited them at school, told them to tell me to call them back. Fuckin’ third graders. They came home sobbing, begging for me and Vaughan to ignore them. They didn’t talk to us for a month after we enlisted.” </p><p>Sitting up, Elide turned and straddled his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging tightly. “I’m so sorry. Fuck, L, I’m- I can’t believe this. You were just a kid.” </p><p>His arms gathered her up, holding her close to him, “‘t’s ok. That’s how we all met, Rowan was this pretentious little prick whose ass I kicked for ratting me out to the drill sergeant.” Pride coated his words at that and Elide laughed, her happy sound ringing through the bathroom. </p><p>“What did he do?” </p><p>“I dunno, I think he probably snitched about me and the twins sneaking out to the base bar. He was a fucking prissy bitch. No one could stand him and of course, he was the drill sergeant’s favourite.” </p><p>“So you beat him up?” </p><p>“Twice.” </p><p>“<em>Twice</em>? You needed to do it two times?” </p><p>“Well, yeah, he’s a fucking crybaby and snitched again so I had to clean the kennels for two weeks,” Lorcan said. “Did you know that Ro’s afraid of dogs?” </p><p>“Mm-mm.” </p><p>“Yeah, I learned that little tidbit after we watched <em>Cujo </em>and he nearly pissed himself.” </p><p>Elide pulled back, tugging on his hair to tilt his face back, “Why do I get the feeling you exploited that fear?” </p><p>An arrogant, self-satisfied smile cut across his full lips, “‘Cause I did. Got Fen and V to get him to the kennels, said I wanted to apologise. I locked him in the kennel with the worst canine for the night.” </p><p>“Anneith above, that’s evil. How did you guys become friends?” </p><p>“We were deployed together. Night before we all left, the boys and I were smoking, Ro came walking out of the barracks. I offered him the joint - he’d never smoked before in his life - and the rest is history. He eventually apologised for snitching and I graciously,” his smirk had Elide rolling her eyes, “apologised for locking him in the kennel.” </p><p>“Ridiculous, all of you.” Lorcan laughed and dipped her, his hands bracing her back as he kissed her neck, moving down to her chest. Elide breathed out slowly, sliding her hands into his hair, pulled up in a bun to keep it dry. “Sadist.” </p><p>“Baby, you like my sadism.” He nipped the soft skin beneath her nipple, smiling wickedly at her small gasp. </p><p>“I do not,” she insisted, her eyes fluttering shut. </p><p>“Oh, is that so? You called me a sadist after <em>that </em>night,” he murmured, his voice smooth and accent like dark whiskey and smoke. </p><p>Something molten flared low in her belly at the memory, images flashing through her mind. Elide somehow, found her voice, though it was breathy and weak, “I hated that night. L-least favourite memory I’ve ever made.” </p><p>He chuckled against her skin, his hand moving down her back to her ass, fingers digging into the plush curve. Elide moaned softly and Lorcan did it again before lifting his head. </p><p>He stared at her, his eyes soft and open and so dark. Elide felt her cheeks heat, struggling to resist tearing her gaze away. “Why are you looking at me like that,” she asked, shifting in his lap. </p><p>“I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you,” Lorcan stated, leaning forward to kiss her brow and rest his lips against her skin. Her throat closed up and her inhale was shaky. Elide felt his smile and he whispered, “I can’t imagine what the past months were like and I’m sorry. I’m so fuckin’ sorry, Elide.” </p><p>Elide didn’t say anything and, with tears rolling down her cheeks, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tight again, fitting her face into the crook of his neck. “I love you.” </p><p>
  <em>With all that I am.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*Ozuye: in all my stories, lorcan is indigenous (specifically Lakota), so i created a fictional tribe based on the lakota tribe - this word means warrior in lakota</p><p>the recruitment process is modeled after the american military’s ‘poverty draft’</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hmmmm......enjoy luvies !</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Elide didn’t know how to ask the question that had been bothering her ever since Lorcan had been back. </p><p>She thought she knew the answer, but asking him might ease her worries, might soothe her frayed nerves. </p><p>Lorcan was downstairs, talking with his lawyer on the phone. Manon was decidedly unimpressed with him and Elide had laughed when she heard the golden-eyed woman berate him for his ‘big, rutting mess’ that she was now tasked with cleaning up, so to speak. </p><p>There wasn’t a doubt in either of their minds that Elide would stay in what was now their apartment. Neither Elide nor Lorcan were keen on living apart now or ever. </p><p>With a steadying breath, Elide walked downstairs, determination in her every step. Lorcan glanced up at her and paused, his eyes narrowed as he read her posture and expression. His shoulders tensed slightly and he said to Manon, “M, I don’t really have to be here, right?” </p><p>He winced and Elide smirked at what was surely a severe beatdown from Manon, but eventually, Lorcan sighed and nodded, “Yeah, yeah, I know. No more disappearing and being assumed dead, I get it. Thank you, really.” He choked slightly, “Well, fuck you too, Blackbeak, you’re useless. I never want to see your face again. Bye.” </p><p>“Fun talk?” Elide quipped, crossing the floor to the island and taking the seat opposite his. Lorcan huffed a halfway amused laugh and tossed his phone on the counter, bracing his elbows against the marble and dropping his head in his hands. </p><p>“Nobody ever tells you that coming back from the dead is a pain in the ass. So much paperwork,” he muttered, sighing through his nose once before he stood up and walked over to the coffee pot. Elide hummed and propped her chin in her hand, smiling at him when Lorcan walked over with a mug for her and placed it in front of her. </p><p>He kissed her forehead before sitting down on the barstool next to hers and taking a sip of his coffee, “So. What’s going on?” </p><p>Elide shrugged, wrapping her cold hands around her mug and sighing softly. Her dark-haired love laughed and put his cup down, then took her hands and cupped them in his warm ones, “Still got the cold hands, huh, princess?” </p><p>She smiled and nodded, her heart fluttering when he rubbed heat back into her digits, waiting for her to speak. “E, I know you’re thinking about something,” Lorcan murmured, glancing pointedly at the furrow between her brows. “What is it?”</p><p> Elide glanced down at her bare legs, pale skin dotted with purple marks and tender fingerprints. “What are you gonna do now?” </p><p>“What do you mean?” </p><p>“For work,” she asked, her voice so quiet Elide half-wondered if Lorcan had even heard it. </p><p>But he had and Lorcan sat up, unconsciously drawing back to protect himself. “Same job. I’m going in for testing tomorrow, seven o’clock.” He knew what her reaction would be. He knew why she was sitting up, her posture immaculate and frozen. He knew why she pulled her chilled fingers from his. </p><p>Tears were already caught in her lashes, her slender eyes filling with them. Lorcan saw the way she tried to stop her lower lip from trembling and he ached to reach out, to warm her up, just so that she would stop shaking, but he didn’t. He restrained himself, to let her have this lost moment, where nothing made sense. </p><p>“You’re going back?” she whispered, voice aghast and cracked. </p><p>Lorcan breathed in deeply, feeling helpless as silver tears slipped down her cheeks and dropped onto her thighs. “Yes.” </p><p>Elide shook her head, dismissing it as false. So quickly, she switched, becoming the detached scientist she was in her work. She wiped her cheeks, sniffling once, “No, that doesn’t make any sense, Lorcan. You got hurt.” She said it bluntly, as if ripping the band-aid off would make it less scary, but it didn’t. “I thought- we all thought you were dead and we mourned for you.” </p><p>“I met my family there, Elide. The people I love and people I would do anything to protect,” Lorcan stated calmly, his voice a touch too even. “They’re my family.” </p><p>“What about me then. Am I not good enough to be your family, do you not love me, not want to protect me as much?” </p><p>“No. <em>No</em>,” he said, his brows lowering fiercely. Lorcan gripped her chin, gently tugging her face upwards until she met his gaze. “Princess, you mean the fuckin’ world to me. I love you like I’ve never loved anyone and ever will love.” </p><p>Elide cried, her face crumpling, “I’m scared.” She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her face into his shoulder. “Please, think about it. I can’t lose you again.” </p><p>“You won’t lose me,” Lorcan murmured, rubbing her back slowly. </p><p>“I want you to quit,” she mumbled, feeling small and pathetic. </p><p>“I can’t do that.”</p><p>Elide would never make him quit something he loved, so all she could do, when her heart was raw and sore, was climb into his lap and hold onto him tightly. </p><p> </p><p>She looked so peaceful, sleeping in what was now their bed. Sprawled across the mattress, the deep black duvet twisted around her from her erratic sleeping pattern. </p><p>Lorcan silently punched in the pin code for the hidden compartment in the back of his closet, wincing at the click and hiss as it unlocked and popped open, revealing an array of weapons. They were all neatly laid out in foam, perfectly fitting in the padding. </p><p>He pulled out two Berettas, having lost his preferred Glocks on the day he was shot. The tribe women had never told him where they had put them, but Lorcan knew they would’ve been ruined by the river anyway.</p><p>Elide was still sleeping as he slid them into his holsters and grabbed two sheathed blades, pulling them out to test the balance. He smiled at the perfectness of it all, putting one on the tip of his finger and watching it remain completely flat. </p><p>Lorcan put the knives into the holster next to each gun and then pushed the compartment shut. He stood, buttoning his suit jacket and grabbing his overcoat after seeing that it was raining again. </p><p>He checked his watch, noting the time of 5:36AM and deciding he should leave within the next ten minutes if he wanted a chance to warm up and tape his shoulder before testing. </p><p>Lorcan walked out of his closet and crossed over to Elide’s sleeping form. </p><p>The city lights played across the smooth curve of her regal cheekbone and the pert button of her nose. Elide rolled onto her back, murmuring something low. </p><p>Lorcan knew he should have woken her up to tell her he was leaving, but she looked too peaceful, so fragile that all he could do was kiss her forehead and walk away. </p><p> </p><p>He rolled his eyes as he stalked through the hallway, narrowing his gaze at the boys. “Boys, fine morning we’re having, is it not?” </p><p>Vaughan snorted and jerked his head at Rowan, “It’s his fault.”</p><p>Their leader of sorts scowled at the back of Vaughan’s head and pushed him out of the way on his path to Lorcan. “We always come in early.” </p><p>Lorcan stifled his laughter and walked into the changeroom, making a beeline to his locker. As he unlocked it, he commented, “For a spy, you’re a really shit liar, Ro-Ro.” </p><p>They all laughed as Rowan groaned at Lorcan’s use of his dreaded nickname, crossing his arms over his chest and muttering, “I play truth or dare one fucking time. And I told you wankstains we were wasted.” </p><p>Connall snickered and they bickered as Lorcan changed into a pair of shorts. It was Fenrys who noticed his wound first and the man’s demeanor dampened, shame flicking over his eyes. He cleared his throat, “I, uh, I have to do something.” Without another word, he made to leave, but Lorcan stopped him. </p><p>“I need someone to tape my shoulder and I don’t trust any of them to do it right.” He picked up the roll of athletic tape in his locker, holding it out to Fenrys. </p><p>The room went dead silent and it was almost comical, watching Connall, Vaughan, and Rowan swivel their heads back and forth to see if Fenrys would accept it. Lorcan had no grudge against him - he was doing his job and something went wrong. </p><p>Fenrys took it and motioned for Lorcan to sit. The others gawked until Fenrys shot them a hard look and they quickly found other things to be interested in. Lorcan stretched his shoulder, grimacing at the strain, most likely from the weekend’s… activities. “So, Ro, you’re gonna be a dad.” </p><p>Rowan choked at the bluntness, obviously nervous, “Y-yeah.” </p><p>Lorcan arched a brow, batting Fenrys’ hand away from his head. “Well, you seem excited for that.” </p><p>The silver-haired man swallowed, raking a hand through his hair so that it stuck up in every which way. “I never thought it would be this hard.” </p><p>“Her being pregnant?” Vaughan asked, moving on silent feet - he’d always been best at the noiseless approach - to stand behind Lorcan and fix his hair. Lorcan trusted Vaughan with his hair more so than any other being on the planet after having been raised together and calling him his brother since before they could talk. </p><p>Rowan shook his head and sat down heavily on the bench opposite Lorcan’s, his elbows braced against his thighs. “Not being able to tell her.” </p><p>They all froze, except for Fenrys, who started to tape Lorcan’s shoulder as if nothing was wrong. </p><p>“You’re not thinking of telling her, right?” Connall asked, words dripping in horrification. The things that could and would happen if a civilian, no matter who, were to find out what they did, how many times their jobs had saved people’s lives would ruin the country. </p><p>Rowan didn’t answer. </p><p>“Ro–” </p><p>“I’m not gonna fucking tell her! Just, fuck, you guys don’t get it–” Fenrys shook his head, but he bit his tongue. Rowan glared at him, “Something you wanna say, Marama?” </p><p>“Rowan, shut up. You’re not the only person in this room with someone they love. You aren’t the only person keeping secrets either, so stop acting like you didn’t know what you were signing up for,” Fenrys said, words clipped and his brow lowered. “We have the same job, Rowan, and lives of our own.”</p><p>Rowan’s mouth dropped open and he looked to the others, trying to garner sympathy or support in his opinion. No one dared to meet his eye except for Lorcan, who cocked his head to the side and sucked on his teeth. </p><p>Just as Rowan was about to say something he’d come to regret, the door opened and they all whipped their heads to the side, their postures easing when they saw Nehemia. </p><p>Her smile froze and she narrowed her eyes, her gaze landing on Rowan and staying. “We have an assignment, boys. Are we prepared for that?” </p><p>They all mumbled their assent and slowly got up, dutifully exiting the room under Nehemia’s disapproving glare. She had obviously picked up on the tension and the cloud of uncomfortability that had settled over them. Knowing them as well as she did, the cyber analyst wouldn’t put up with their stupid bullshit and whatever childish entanglement they were caught in. </p><p>Lorcan pulled his shirt on and closed his locker, pausing when he looked over his shoulder and saw his friend standing there. “What is it?” </p><p>Nehemia couldn’t hide the apprehension in her eyes as she said, “She wants you there too.” </p><p> </p><p>They were all dressed in full tactical uniforms, standing at attention as Maeve read the report. </p><p>“Erawan and his cult are a much larger threat and we have reason to suspect they are receiving a shipment of arms within the next week. This man,” Maeve gestured to the man on the screen behind her, “has the specificities and your task is to acquire the information.” She cast a glance towards Lorcan, “Salvaterre, I suppose with your injury, you’ll be surveillance.”</p><p>She snapped the folder shut and slid it across the table to Rowan, who picked it up, a quizzical look on his face. “Apologies, ma’am, but are you expecting Salvaterre to be on this mission as well?” </p><p>Maeve looked up, her manicured brows raising as she clasped her hands on the desk, “Is there a reason he should be exempt?” </p><p>Lorcan clenched his jaw, but refused to meet her mocking gaze as the rest of the room opened their mouths. Rowan spoke up for them, “Ms. Nathair, Salvaterre has been gone for the past six months. Protocol states he needs a physical and psych exam before he’s cleared as a field agent.” </p><p>“Protocol? The five of you have the most dangerous job in the world and you’re hung up on <em>protocol</em>?” she mocked them, a cruel smirk curling her thin lips. “Salvaterre.” </p><p>“Yes, ma’am?” </p><p>“Are you in need of an exam?” </p><p>Fear coursed through him and still, Lorcan shook his head, “No, ma’am.” </p><p>“Are you able to do your job?” </p><p>His shoulder said <em>no </em>but Lorcan nodded, “Yes, ma’am.” </p><p>“Good. I’ll schedule your exams for tomorrow if the mission goes well. That is all.” </p><p>They turned and walked out of the room, going down a complicated set of hallways and stairs to the prep room. Lorcan picked out surveillance equipment as Rowan and Fenrys changed into street clothes. </p><p>Connall and Nehemia sat at their desk, typing on their computers and instructing their teams. Vaughan approached Lorcan, speaking in their mother tongue, <em>“Lorcan, are you sure?”</em></p><p>
  <em>“Yes.”</em>
</p><p>His brother sighed, unease clear on the sharp features of his face,<em> “I don’t like this.”</em></p><p>Lorcan could only shrug. Vaughan muttered something, knowing he wouldn’t be able to convince Lorcan otherwise. He made to leave, stopping when Lorcan asked him something,<em> “Did you name me?”</em></p><p>Vaughan looked at Lorcan over his shoulder, too many emotions swimming in his eyes for Lorcan to discern them all.<em> “Yes.” </em></p><p>
  <em>“What was it?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I named you Ohitekah.” </em>
</p><p>Lorcan’s throat closed and he nodded once, pride for their people glowing in his chest. </p><p> </p><p>Lorcan stewed silently as he nursed his weak coffee, holding back his grimace at the grainy texture. </p><p>He kept his eyes on Fenrys and Rowan as they walked down the street, tailing their target as he ducked into a grocery store. </p><p>Connall’s voice came over the comms once in a while, but nothing was directed to Lorcan. Fuck, he was so <em>bored</em>, sitting in the diner and watching. </p><p>Reasoning with himself, Lorcan decided he had stayed in the diner long enough that it aroused suspicion, so he got up, paid for his coffee, and left. </p><p>
  <em>“Salvaterre, where the fuck are you going?” </em>
</p><p>He responded calmly, “There’s an alley next to the grocery store.” Lorcan looked up and down the street before walking across. He subtly checked behind him to ensure nobody was following him and that he could slip into the alley. </p><p>A pile of pallets hid him from the back door of the store and Lorcan leaned against the wall, fishing out his phone to pretend he was taking a call as he watched. “In position with clear sight of back exit.”</p><p>Rowan’s voice crackled in the radio, <em>“I lost him. He’s heading towards the back - I’m in pursuit. Fen, meet L in the alley.” </em></p><p>Lorcan pocketed his phone and made sure he had clear access to his gun. Time ticked by slowly and every second had his spine straightening just a bit more, until it looked like he would snap. </p><p>The door burst open and the target ran out, fearfully looking over his shoulder and not paying attention as Lorcan stepped into his path and the man crashed. </p><p>His reflexes were quick though, and he didn’t let Lorcan have the advantage as they fought. Lorcan’s shoulder immediately protested, shooting sharp pains down his arm. Despite that, the target was no match for him and just as quickly as it had started, Lorcan had him on the ground, a hand holding his face against the rough asphalt and a knee keeping his hands behind his back. </p><p>Lorcan felt his nose drip blood, courtesy of the punch he’d received in the short scuffle, and he breathed past the pain in his body, cursing Maeve for all she was. </p><p>Feet pounded against the road and Fenrys ran in, giving Lorcan the chance to stand up and stumble back, startling when Rowan appeared in front of him, steadying him with a hand on his right shoulder. “You good?” </p><p>“Yeah, just a little blood. Don’t worry.” </p><p> </p><p>He was close to blacking out as he walked into his apartment, his vision blurry and breathing shaky. Immediately, he saw Elide sitting on the couch, her short hair clipped up to keep it dry in the shower, he assumed based off the fact that she was wearing his housecoat. “El.” </p><p>She whipped her head around, a deadly glare on her face, “Oh, you’re back? You didn’t die?” </p><p>He really, <em>really</em> should’ve woken her up that morning. Lorcan closed his eyes, leaning against the wall, “Princess, I’m sorry, but I need- fuck, I need help.” After returning to headquarters, Lorcan had gone to the bathroom and discerned that miniscule pieces of the bullet were still lodged under his flesh. </p><p>Elide’s eyes widened and she hopped up, hurrying over to him. His skin was clammy and cold to the touch, “Anneith above, what happened?” </p><p>“Bathroom,” he breathed, leaning on Elide as he stumbled into the bathroom and sat down on the floor, his back against the sink cabinet. “Get the vodka.” </p><p>He hadn’t realised she had even left before Elide returned with the bottle, taking her own sip before handing it to him. “L, what happened.”</p><p>He chugged for a solid five seconds, pausing to say, “I was shot six months ago,” and drinking again. Lorcan’s limbs felt fuzzy as he ripped off his jacket and shirt, throwing them into the corner. “Bullet’s not all out and,” he swallowed, taking her hand and gripping it tightly, “I need you to do it.” </p><p>She gaped at him, eyes wide like saucers. “Lorcan, what? Why didn’t they fucking take it out the first time!” </p><p>“I don’t- shit, I don’t know but I can’t fucking take it and I can’t go back there,” he whispered, head falling back against the cabinet door. “Too many questions. I’ll fucking talk you through it, just please.” </p><p>Elide didn’t look convinced as she glanced between his face, eyes glazed in agony, and he tried again, “Please, baby, it hurts.”</p><p>She nodded, pressing her hand over the scar, “Yes, just- tell me what to do.” </p><p> </p><p>“Do it.” </p><p>“I’m doing it.” </p><p>“No, you’re not.” Lorcan was watching her carefully, like she wasn’t holding a knife over his skin. “I told you - I trust you with my life.” </p><p>Elide snapped her head up, glaring, “There is a difference between a straight razor and cutting <em>bullet fragments</em> out of you, Lorcan.” </p><p>He somehow had the audacity to chuckle and lean forward, pressing his lips to her forehead in an effort to soothe her. Elide had to, begrudgingly, admit that it worked a bit. “You got this, yeah? I can barely feel a thing.” </p><p>Elide nodded and took a deep breath before turning back to the task. With the tip of the knife, she made an incision, pressing white gauze against it to soak the blood that dripped down. Her hands were surprisingly steady as she used the tweezers to pick the metal bit out. Lorcan hissed, biting his lip to stop his groan of pain. </p><p>She blinked her tears back, wanting to run away from this. Elide carefully put the piece in the plastic bag and continued, cutting and tweezing until every part was out. </p><p>Lorcan was barely conscious when she cleaned the wounds and sealed it. Elide brushed his hair back from his forehead and let him be as she tidied up the supplies and dumped everything in the garbage. </p><p>Elide turned back to Lorcan, who was looking at her with a proud expression, his lips pulled into a small smile, “C’mere, princess.” She rolled her eyes at the nickname, but went to him, sighing in relief the moment she was curled up in his arms, head tucked beneath his chin. “You did good.” </p><p>“Mm, really? Beginner’s luck?” </p><p>He laughed drily, “We’ll have to see about that next time.” </p><p>Elide shook her head, suddenly feeling like the bathroom was the only safe space in the world, “I don’t want there to be a next time.” She pressed her face in Lorcan’s neck, her tears dripping down her cheeks. “Promise me there won’t be a next time.” </p><p>“I don’t make promises I can’t keep, Elide,” Lorcan murmured, dragging his hand up and down her thigh in a soothing pattern. “All I can give you is my honesty.” </p><p>Elide wrapped her arms around his neck and cried silently, wondering if there would be a day when honesty wasn’t enough.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>guys....guys we’re here. we’ve made it. say hello to The Plot</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The dark room was silent save for the even breathing beside her. </p><p>Elide sat up, in need of water, but she paused for a moment to look back at Lorcan as he slept, on his stomach with his tattooed arms wrapped around his pillow. His face was softened by slumber and Elide bent, pressing her lips to the curve of his shoulder before slipping out of bed. </p><p>Her satin nightgown swished around her, catching on her curves as she walked to the bathroom. The light was too bright and she winced as she turned it on, narrowing her eyes for a second as she turned the tap on. </p><p>Just when Elide grabbed the glass sitting next to the sink, she heard a low groan from the bedroom and paused, thinking he was in pain from the bullet removal. But the rough sound melted into a plea of ‘please, no’. </p><p>Worry flooded her senses and the glass crashed to the marble floor, smashing into a myriad of sharp pieces, but that was the last thing on her mind as she ran into their bedroom, eyes on Lorcan as he thrashed on their bed, his face contorted in pain. He was still asleep, tears streaming down his cheeks as he pleaded with whatever vision he was trapped in. </p><p>Elide put her hand over his where it gripped the sheet, gently easing it open so she could slip her fingers between his. Her other hand cupped his face, her thumb stroking over his cheekbone, “L, wake up. You’re with me, please, wake up.” </p><p>His eyes snapped open and before Elide could register any movement, she was straddling his lap and Lorcan wrapped his arms around her waist, his head bowed and pressed against the soft skin of her chest. His body was tense, but still wracked with shaking, as if he were trying to suppress it. “Oh, love,” she murmured, pressing her lips to the top of his head and putting her arms around his shoulders. </p><p>One hand slid up from the nape of his neck to his hair, stroking through the thick locks soothingly. “You’re ok,” she whispered, feeling his tears drip onto her skin, his hands catching on the delicate material of her gown. His breathing was shaky and he didn’t answer her. Elide held him like a child, whispering soothing nothings into the silence of the night. </p><p>Neither were sure how long it was until he lifted his head and smiled, vulnerable. Elide returned the smile, cupping his face in both her hands to wipe cheeks. Lorcan turned his face to kiss one palm and then the other, his lips lingering for a second longer than necessary. </p><p>“Are you alright?” </p><p>He dipped his chin in a slight nod, his eyes shuttered. “Peachy keen.” </p><p>Elide rolled her eyes and hugged him once more, her chin resting on the crown of his head, “You know you can talk to me. I want you to.” </p><p>“I know,” he whispered, startling her when he rolled them so she was lying beneath him, “but I’d rather do other things.” </p><p>Elide opened her mouth to protest his avoidance, but his lips and tongue were hot against her skin and the only sound that left her was a soft sigh, her mind wiped clean. </p><p> </p><p>Lorcan knocked back two painkillers and put the bottle back in the cupboard. Elide was packing her bag up, juggling her coffee in one hand and notebooks in the other. </p><p>The domesticity of it all, the two of them separate, but both getting ready for work, was a startling change. Lorcan found he didn’t mind it. </p><p>Elide had a big meeting today and he knew his nightmare last night had only served to ratchet her stress just that much higher. Normally, he could suppress his memories, but last night… all he could see was Maeve telling Fenrys to take the shot just as he was picking the hard drive up. </p><p>He had pleaded with Fenrys, but it happened again and again and he’d been trapped in his own mind until Elide. </p><p>“L?” Elide’s concerned voice snapped him out of his reverie and he blinked once or twice, looking down to see her standing a foot away. “You alright?” </p><p>“Yeah, ‘m fine,” he said, flashing her a grin as he put his coffee mug into the sink and leaned down, kissing the top of her head. “You nervous?” </p><p>“About your day or mine?” </p><p>“Yours.” </p><p>She shrugged, picking at her manicure, “Kind of. I know the material well, so I’m sure it’ll be fine but… “ she groaned in disgust, her brows snapping together. “It’s dumb. I know this shit.” </p><p>He chuckled, “Fuck yeah, you do. You’ll be great, yeah?” </p><p>A cheeky smile pulled at her round lips and she asked, “Can I call you crying if I bomb it?” </p><p>Lorcan scoffed and they both moved towards the door, “I’d be insulted if you didn’t, princess.” </p><p>Elide laughed and sat down to put her shoes on. Lorcan inhaled sharply and Elide whipped her head up, narrowing her eyes at him, “What?” </p><p>He nodded his chin to where the neckline of her shirt exposed a dark hickey. She stood up to look in the mirror, gasping and whirling on him, “I fucking hate you, you brute.” She was moving towards the stairs to change before he could say another word. </p><p>“I’ll wait here.” </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t say a word,” Elide hissed as she slammed the passenger door of his sleek car shut.</p><p>Lorcan pressed his lips together and nodded, turning the key in the ignition and driving out of the parking garage. “It’s a little funny.” </p><p>“Shh,” she said, glaring at him and flipping the sun visor down to fix the more conservative neckline of her forest green sweater, swearing low in her first language. </p><p>He laughed, checking over his shoulder before switching lanes and turning down the road that would take them to her school. They drove in a comfortable silence until he pulled up in front of her building. Elide smiled at him and leaned over the centre console to kiss his cheek, “Thank you, love.” She then gripped his chin and turned his face towards hers, pressing her lips to his for a gentle moment. “I love you.” </p><p>He smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, “I love you too.” Elide kissed him again and Lorcan hummed, “You’re going to be late and then yell at me for distracting you if you don’t leave now.” </p><p>Elide cackled and undid her seatbelt, popping the door open, “Bye, baby.” </p><p>“Bye, Lochan,” he said, watching her walk away, mesmerised by the swaying of her hips in the silver silk midi skirt. He watched her dig something out of her bag and a few moments later, his phone buzzed. Picking it up, he huffed a laugh at the text she’d sent him, <em>Stop staring at my ass and go to work, perv.</em> He responded with the middle finger emoji before peeling onto the road. </p><p> </p><p>The painkillers he’d taken were working as well as they could as Lorcan completed the written test and moved to the shooting range. </p><p>He thanked Hellas he was right-handed as he shot a perfect round, hitting the brain dead centre, then the heart, and both shoulders. A team of analysts were standing behind the large mirror and Lorcan blocked the feeling of their eyes on him as he put the pistol down. </p><p>The speaker feedback had him flinching as a cool voice said, <em>“Nicely done, agent. Please follow Agent Beinn to the sniping range.” </em></p><p>The door to his left clicked as it opened and there stood Cairn, Lorcan’s least favourite coworker. He thanked his dark god every day that he had never been on mission with the bastard. He was Maeve’s right-hand man, for reasons none of the cadre, as Aelin so fondly called them, understood. </p><p>Cairn was a sadistic prick with slightly above average espionage skills. His bloodlust was infamous and a dreaded component of his assignments. Lorcan became nauseous when he heard hushed stories about what Cairn had done while on mission, to civilians and targets alike. </p><p>Cairn’s watery blue eyes were glinting with sick amusement and his face twisted into his signature sneer as he escorted Lorcan to the next part of his exam. </p><p>No one else was allowed in the range while Lorcan was in there and still, he could feel Cairn’s stare between his shoulder blades as he picked up the rifle and fitted the recoil pad against his shoulder, his cheek pressed against the cool metal of the gun. </p><p>He took his time adjusting the scope and becoming accustomed to the weight and feel of the rifle. Sniping had never been his strong suit. </p><p>
  <em>“Whenever you’re ready, agent.”</em>
</p><p>Lorcan breathed in slowly and pulled the trigger, biting back a grunt at the recoil when it slammed into him. Looking through the scope again, he saw that his shot had gone a few centimetres to the right of the chest target and asked, “How many shots, sir?” </p><p>
  <em>“Shoot the magazine, agent.”</em>
</p><p>By the time the magazine was emptied, Lorcan’s ears, despite the protective earmuff, were ringing. Out of the five bullets, only two ended up going wide. </p><p>
  <em>“Well done, agent. Agent Beinn will take you for your fitness exam. This is your last test today.” </em>
</p><p>Lorcan put the gun back and rolled his shoulder, prodding the fresh wound from Elide’s ‘surgery’ the night before. Maybe fucking her to avoid talking wasn’t the best idea, but at the time… it seemed to do the trick. He knew that it would be difficult for her to let it be and that continuing to avoid speaking would do more harm than good, no matter how uncomfortable it was. </p><p>For Elide, he’d do better, he’d learn to be better. </p><p> </p><p>Lorcan was panting, his heart practically trying to beat its way free of its prison of flesh and bone as he dropped from the pullup bar, barely able to stand on his feet. </p><p>The evaluators - he’d never learned their names - nodded and whispered things, comparing notes on their clipboards. One of them, the eldest with a fully white and bushy beard, stood and smiled warmly. He reminded Lorcan of a neighbour he’d once had - the one everyone saw as their grandfather. “Congratulations, Agent Salvaterre. You’ve passed and will be reinstated as a field agent.” </p><p>Lorcan remembered protocol and nodded once, walking up to shake their hands. He kept completely still as they all filed out, leaving him alone in the concrete-walled room. </p><p>The moment the door was shut, Lorcan slid down the wall to the floor, bracing his elbows on his knees and letting his head fall into his hands. His lungs were raw, begging and searching desperately for more and more oxygen. </p><p>Ever since his nightmare from the night before, he couldn’t shake the feeling that the list was the answer to it all. </p><p>When Erawan had first popped up as a threat, they didn’t bother to take him seriously. He’d painted himself as the second coming of the original demon, the Erawan from the legends of old who had torn apart worlds looking for his sister in law. </p><p>They’d deemed him a lunatic, which he was, but decided he wasn’t a serious issue. And then he started gaining devotees. His following grew into a mass hysteria of young, misguided individuals who saw an impure world and strove to right it. Still, Maeve insisted it was just another cult, soon to die down. </p><p>Wyrd soon hit the streets, a dangerous synthetic drug that severed pain reception. Erawan and his followers were convinced their lord had saved them, that he had given them unmatched powers in return for their devotion. </p><p>The Wendlyn government pushed back. They wrote new laws, started enforcing ones they had eased on and somehow, Erawan had gotten it in his head that a blood war was necessary. Soon, they got reports of masses of firearms, fatal artillery being stockpiled and weekly raids commenced. They unearthed increasingly alarming compilations of weapons and chased every lead to the very end, but eventually, it seemed that Erawan’s agenda was only inevitable. </p><p>But the list… he’d almost been killed because of it. Thousands of other lives had been sacrificed and something told him it was all because of the list. </p><p>Lorcan knew he needed to move before his muscles cooled and stiffened until it would be excruciating to do anything, so he stood up and walked out. </p><p>He passed cyber analytics and popped his head in, “Hey, y’all know where Ytger is?” </p><p>“I’m right here, L,” Nehemia said, popping up from behind a computer and cackling when he jumped. </p><p>“Hellas below, stop fucking doing that, dickhead,” he grumbled. </p><p>She laughed and motioned him over, “What can I do for you?” </p><p>Lorcan opened his mouth to say it, but he paused, looking around at the others. “Uh, can we go somewhere else?” </p><p>Raising a brow, Nehemia pushed her glasses up and nodded, gathering her laptop and other things before following him out to an abandoned office. “L, what is it? You’re freaking me out, hon.” </p><p>“Do you have security footage from the mission?” </p><p>She nodded, “Yeah, the one you got shot on? I can get it. Is there any reason?” </p><p>He shrugged and sat down on the desk, watching the dust settle as Nehemia set her computer up. “I can’t stop thinking that I missed something. I just want to see it.” </p><p>Nehemia hummed, not at all believing him. “Alright, come sit and look.” She passed the laptop to him and Lorcan frowned when he clicked on the file. “Why’re you frowning?” </p><p>“There’s nothing here, Mi. It’s empty,” he said, tilting the screen towards her. Nehemia’s eyes widened and she took it from him. </p><p>“It was here just the other day, what…” she whispered, more to herself than him. Her elegant fingers flew over the keyboard, her long nails clicking on the keys as her frown grew deeper and deeper. </p><p>Tension settled over them and Lorcan watched her anxiously. Her keystrokes became faster and more frenzied, her shoulders lifting and stiffening. In a flash, she hopped off the desk and turned around, putting the laptop down on the desk and leaning over it. </p><p>Lorcan turned to look at the screen, not understanding what was happening. “Nehemia, what happened?” </p><p>“Whoever wiped it is still here, they’re leaving a footprint,” she muttered and then gasped through her nose, “Fuck, they’re in the building.” </p><p>“What,” he breathed, watching the building’s blueprint appear on the screen, every computer popping up as well. Nehemia followed the trail and they gaped when they saw where it led them to. “Is that… Maeve’s computer?” </p><p>Nehemia nodded dumbly, “Her personal one, too. She doesn’t know I track it.” </p><p>“Get whatever’s left,” he said and Nehemia nodded again, quickly backtracking and grabbing the last document. Then, she erased everything and let out a long breath as she opened the doc. “Can you send that to me? We need to talk to the boys.” Lorcan stood up, grabbing his phone, but Nehemia stopped him with a hand on his arm. </p><p>“Not yet. We need to know what we’re dealing with before worrying them all, ok?” </p><p>Lorcan knew she was right and nodded, putting his phone away and slumping onto the uncomfortable chair. “Fuck.” He looked to the side at her, “What was left?” </p><p>“The list,” she said. “I’ve been working on decrypting it for the past couple months, but I can’t get past these random clues.” </p><p>He sighed, hating that his life just got that more complicated. “Send it to me, I’ll try my best.” </p><p>Nehemia nodded and sat down in the chair next to him, dropping her head in her hands, “This is a shitshow, huh?” </p><p>“It really fucking is.” </p><p> </p><p>Lorcan was sitting on the couch in the living room, staring at the email Nehemia had sent to him. Elide was asleep upstairs and he’d promised her that he’d go to bed hours ago, but he hadn’t been able to move, unable to shut his laptop and go to sleep, unable to open the file. </p><p>Just for a few more minutes, he wanted to pause his life. Everything would change after this and it wasn’t just him that would be affected. </p><p>Fuck, Elide, she hadn’t signed up for this. He wondered if he knew what he knew now, would he have brushed off her offer for a seat in that cafe? Maybe he wouldn’t have even entered.  </p><p>And Aelin. She was having twins, after years of trying and if they lost these babies… neither Rowan nor Aelin would recover from it. </p><p>Before his mind could spiral even further, a pair of hands slid down his chest, someone’s chin coming to rest on his head. “It’s late, love,” Elide whispered, kissing his head. “What’s wrong?” </p><p>Lorcan shrugged, “Can’t sleep.” </p><p>She hummed and walked around the end of the couch to settle right next to him, melting into his side. Lorcan looked down at her, wearing his hoodie and sweats due to the cold. Elide offered him a sleepy little grin, her slender eyes falling shut as she rested her head on his chest. </p><p>It wasn’t long before she was asleep and Lorcan steeled himself to open the file. </p><p>He scanned through it quickly, squinting and reading it more carefully. </p><p>Almost immediately, it clicked in his mind and he swore in his mother tongue, not wanting to believe what he was seeing. </p><p> </p><p>In the dark room, a phone rang, waking the sleeping man. </p><p>Rowan shot up, instantly turning to check on his sleeping wife. Aelin didn’t move except to roll onto her back and sigh softly, still dead asleep as her hand drifted to her bump. </p><p>With a sigh, Rowan swung himself out of bed and padded over to his dresser, scowling at Lorcan’s name flashing across his screen. He tersely picked his phone up, jabbing the accept button. “Lorcan, what the fuck, it’s three o’clock in the fucking morning,” he hissed, walking out onto the balcony to avoid waking Aelin. The pregnancy hadn’t been easy on her and a full night of uninterrupted sleep was something that had evaded her, so Rowan would do whatever to make sure she did not wake. “Why are you calling me?” </p><p>“Ro, we have to leave.” </p><p>“Leave? Leave, what?” </p><p>“Wendlyn. As soon as possible.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>dun dun dunnnnnn</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hellas, V, is this really where you live?” </p><p>Vaughan shushed Fenrys and ushered the twins into his shitty little apartment, suspiciously checking the hallway before closing the door. They waited as he bolted each lock, every deadbolt going <em>click, click, click, click, click.</em></p><p>Rowan raised his eyebrows and looked at Lorcan, mouthing <em>Five locks</em>. Lorcan just shrugged, Vaughan had always been a private person. He was more interested in the pictures his brother had on his fridge - one of him, Lorcan, and their sisters, one of their mother, and one of him and Lorcan as children, both frowning as the photographer interrupted their game of Mario Kart. </p><p>Lorcan, like the others, had never set foot in Vaughan’s apartment. He was the only one - the <em>sole </em>person - in the world who knew where Vaughan lived, for emergencies, but he’d never been. Not even the agency knew where it was.</p><p>Lorcan, Rowan, and Nehemia were already there, sitting at his kitchen table with the decrypted list on Nehemia’s laptop. </p><p>Fenrys took the seat next to his wife and smiled at her, kissing her cheek in greeting. Connall sat next to Lorcan and nodded hello. “Nice place, Vaughan,” he commented, leaning back in his chair and putting his feet on the table. </p><p>Vaughan clicked his tongue as he too sat down, “Get your feet off my table. I eat here.” </p><p>Connall made a face, but did as he was ordered, becoming serious. “Why are we here?” </p><p>“Maeve is connected to Erawan. She’s helping him import Wyrd,” Lorcan said bluntly, turning the computer screen to show them. “Mia couldn’t figure out the codes, but just look.” </p><p>They all leaned in to read. Rowan sat upright first, voice hollow, “It’s our old missions.” He picked up the laptop and stood up, pacing as he read, “Sollemere, Mistward, Morath… fuck, even Perranth.” Perranth wasn’t supposed to be on record. The second they’d gotten home, it had been erased from history. </p><p>“Let me see,” Fenrys said, standing and grabbing the computer from Rowan. If it wasn’t such a serious moment, Lorcan might’ve laughed at the childishness of it all and their brotherly dynamic, still unable to share even after all these years. “It’s all here.” </p><p>“What happens now,” Connall asked, serious as he leaned forward to brace his forearms against the table. </p><p>“We leave,” Nehemia said, taking the computer back from Fenrys. “It’s not safe for any of us. I’m sure Maeve had someone watching her back and that they saw me in there yesterday while she was wiping the file. We can’t do any work here and she will put our family at risk, so we go.” </p><p>“Where?” Rowan asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “It has to be far enough from her, but we can’t just leave. People’s lives are in danger.” </p><p>Nehemia and Lorcan exchanged a glance and the former spoke up, “Terrasen. They have an alliance with Wendlyn, but their treaty forbids any foreign secret service working within its borders. We all have contacts there, we’ll be able to work out a deal once we figure out what she wants.”</p><p>Fenrys sighed and rubbed his eyes, sitting down heavily in a chair next to Nehemia. She absentmindedly rubbed his back, resting her chin on his shoulder. “We can’t all leave. Somebody needs to stay.” </p><p>Lorcan and Rowan protested immediately, “What are you talking about–” “Fen, it’s not the time to play hero–” </p><p>“I’m not playing hero, Ro,” Fenrys said, voice tired and strained. “She’ll go mad - you know she will, when we leave. She’s unpredictable, boys, and dangerous. We need someone on the inside, someone she trusts.” He glanced upwards at Connall, who nodded grimly. </p><p>Nehemia stiffened, turning to her husband. Her voice was barely above a whisper as she said, “You mean you and Con. Fen…” </p><p>“It’s the only option, sweetheart,” he whispered, his head hung low. “Maeve hasn’t trusted Ro since he married Ae. She looks at L like she’s waiting to kill him and you know she won’t let V live if L leaves. We’re the only option.” </p><p>Nehemia looked at the others as they all took their seats again. No one wanted it to happen, that much was obvious, but realistically… it was the only way. </p><p> </p><p>Elide looked up from the stack of essays she was grading for the undergraduate class when her phone started to ring. </p><p>She capped her purple pen and put it to the side before picking up her phone. The number was one she didn’t recognise, yet she still accepted the call, “Hello?” </p><p>
  <em>“Princess, it’s me.” </em>
</p><p>A smitten smile pulled at her lips just at his voice and Elide leaned back in her chair, “Well, hello. I didn’t recognise the number.” </p><p>“<em>I’m calling from a phone booth, my phone died,”</em> Lorcan explained. <em>“Listen, E, there’s something… something I gotta tell you and it’s going to seem crazy, alright?” </em></p><p>Apprehension seized her and she almost wished she hadn’t picked up the phone, “What is it?” </p><p>He hesitated on the other end of the line for a second or two. <em>“An old client of mine… he’s made some enemies and… we need to leave the country.” </em></p><p>Elide laughed, relieved that it was all a joke. But Lorcan didn’t laugh and she froze, “You’re not joking.” </p><p>“No, I’m not. El, I- fuck, I know this really fucks everything up–”</p><p>“Yeah!” she cried, standing up to walk around the tiny space behind her desk. “It does, what the fuck, Lorcan? Am I going to be killed? Are you?” </p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know.” </em>
</p><p>“Well, how long do we have to leave for?”</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know.” </em>
</p><p>“Fine, where are we going?” </p><p>
  <em>“Terrasen.”</em>
</p><p>Elide collapsed into her seat, rubbing her forehead, “I really hate your job.” </p><p>Lorcan chuckled and the sound had her perking up just a bit. <em>“I know, princess. I’m sorry.”</em></p><p>She waved her hand dismissively and then asked, her voice small and quiet, “How much danger are we in?” He didn’t answer and after a few moments when the silence stretched on and on, Elide thought the call had ended. “L, are you still there?” </p><p>
  <em>“I’m still here, E. We’re in… a lot of danger. They’re powerful people with too many connections. It’s why we need to leave.”</em>
</p><p>“When.”</p><p>
  <em>“When, what?” </em>
</p><p>“When do we need to leave, Lorcan?” </p><p><em>“...tomorrow morning. Everyone else is packing.”</em> When she didn’t say a thing, he spoke again, <em>“El, baby?”</em></p><p>“Yeah,” she said, staring at the coffee ring on one of the student’s papers. “I have a thesis review tomorrow, Lor. I’ve been preparing for months, I need to be there. Can we go after, please?” </p><p>Elide waited as Lorcan contemplated, tears aching in her throat. This was not how her life was supposed to go. She didn’t want to be on the run. <em>“We can do it. I’ll meet you after, and we’ll go, alright?” </em></p><p>She hesitated, not sure what she was agreeing to if she said yes. “I don’t know. I just- I don’t understand. What if something happens and- what am I supposed to do, I have things here, in Varese. Aelin is here, my friends are here. I don’t… I don’t know, L.” </p><p><em>“I know it doesn’t make any sense and I don’t know what you’re thinking, but do you trust me?”</em>  </p><p>Elide didn’t need to think before she answered, “Yes.” </p><p>There was a smile in his voice when Lorcan replied, <em>“Then that’s all there is to it, for now. I’ll see you at home.” </em></p><p>“Ok, then. Love you,” she whispered, smiling softly to herself. </p><p>
  <em>“Love you too, El.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Everyone else had left Vaughan’s, except for him and Nehemia. Lorcan stalked back into the living room and dropped onto the couch. He snapped the cheap burner phone it two and tossed both the pieces on the coffee table. </p><p>Nehemia was in the kitchen, making coffee for them both. “How’d it go?” </p><p>“Fine. She has a meeting tomorrow, so I’ll book the later flights,” he said, staring at the wall. “I checked the safe house in Orynth - it hasn’t been used in a decade and they’ve disabled the alarms.” </p><p>Nehemia padded over to him and passed him one of the coffees before sitting in the armchair, her legs curled beneath her. The kitchen light played off the golden cuffs in her Fulani braids as she tilted her head back against the chair. “We have to tell her, Lorcan.” </p><p>He didn’t say a word. </p><p> </p><p>When he got home, Elide was curled up on the couch, watching an animated movie on the flatscreen. It was warm and cozy, the fireplace lit and casting heat around the apartment. </p><p>His girlfriend paused the movie and turned to look at him, smiling brightly, “Hi.” </p><p>Lorcan hung up his jacket and loosened his tie before walking over to her. “What are you watching?” </p><p><em>“Atlantis: The Lost Empire,”</em> she said, turning back to the movie and pressing pay. “Do you want to watch with me?” </p><p>“‘Course I do,” he scoffed, tipping her chin back with his fingers to kiss her deeply. She made a soft sound and smiled against his lips, causing him to pull back. “I’m gonna change, but I’ll be right back.” </p><p>Her gaze had already strayed to the screen and she nodded absentmindedly, waving him off, “Go, go.” </p><p>Lorcan chuckled and walked up to their room, swapping out his black suit and shirt for a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. When he walked back downstairs, Elide was on the phone, her voice chirping and bubbly. </p><p>He made a face at her phone voice and she flipped him off, narrowing her eyes in that way that said,<em> Don’t you dare make me laugh right now. </em>Laughing, he sauntered over to the couch and flopped onto it, stretching across it lengthwise. </p><p>Lorcan resumed the movie, making a note to thank Elide for the choice - he hadn’t watched this movie in ages. It reminded him of those rainy days, the only ones he spent inside during his childhood. </p><p>Their mother’s room was the only room with enough electricity to power their clunky and boxy television, so all four of them - Lorcan, Vaughan, Aneha, and Sadirah - would pile on Odette’s bed and watch the few VHS they owned. </p><p>A petite body joined his, fitting perfectly against his side. Lorcan dropped his arm to wrap it around Elide and she rested her head against his chest. “I ordered Chinese. They said it would take thirty minutes.” </p><p>He hummed, idly rubbing her arm. Without taking his eyes off the television, Lorcan asked her, “Do you want to talk about it?” </p><p>“About what?” </p><p>He sighed through his nose, “El.” </p><p>She rolled onto her side, burying her face in his shirt. “Don’t worry, I packed and told Darrow that I needed to take a leave. It’s… tomorrow, everything changes. I want one normal night. Just a boy and a girl, watching old Disney movies and eating shitty takeout, ok?”</p><p>Lorcan nodded, dipping to rest his chin on her head, “Ok.” </p><p> </p><p>They watched<em> Atlantis: The Lost Empire, </em>the movie just wrapping up when Malakai buzzed to say that their takeout had arrived. </p><p>When Malakai had found out that Lorcan was, in fact, very much alive, there had been a long hug, followed by a vicious beration. Lorcan had never looked smaller. </p><p>“Rock, paper, scissors,” said Elide. “Best of three and no cheating.” </p><p>Lorcan smirked, crossing his arms over his chest. He didn’t miss the way her gaze strayed to his ink-covered biceps and waggled his eyebrows at her, delighting in the blush she couldn’t stop. “Do we really need to resort to<em> rock, paper, scissors</em> to decide who has to go get the food?” </p><p>“Oh, are you volunteering?” </p><p>“Fuck no, let’s go, Lochan,” he said. </p><p>Forty-five seconds later, Elide was snickering as he grabbed his wallet and shook his head. “You cheated.” </p><p>She just shrugged and waved him off, already choosing a new movie. “<em>The Princess Diaries</em> or<em> Clueless</em>?” </p><p>“If it’s not <em>The Princess Diaries: Two</em>, I’ll cry,” he replied, putting his slides on before he ducked out to the elevator, her laughter following him. </p><p>Apparently, Elide had ordered enough to feed a small army, or he and the boys. Lorcan was carefully balancing it all as he kicked the door shut behind him. </p><p>Elide had opened a bottle of whiskey and there was a glass waiting for him on the island. </p><p>She turned to him and clapped her hands, popping off the couch to race over to him. Elide was humming as she took the bags and unpacked it all, eyes gleaming. </p><p>Lorcan leaned against the island and grabbed his glass, taking a sip and whistling, “Shit, you opened the <em>good </em>shit.” </p><p>Elide snorted, gesturing to the bottle on the coffee table, “I know my whiskey, Salvaterre.” </p><p>“You really are the perfect woman,” he said, meaning every word. </p><p>Her cheeks pinked prettily and she clicked her tongue as she opened the lids, stacking them on the side, “Charmer.” She grabbed the bamboo chopsticks and the hot sauce packets. “Do you want chopsticks or a fork?” </p><p>Lorcan drew back in offence, “I know how to use chopsticks, princess.” At her disbelieving look, he rolled his eyes, “I <em>do</em>, but maybe…” he took another sip of the amber liquor before putting the glass down, leaning close to her and whispering seductively, “you could teach me, hmm?” </p><p>She laughed, pushing him away and shaking her head. “That is the weirdest way you’ve ever tried to hit on me.” </p><p>“You’ve been hit on in weirder ways than <em>chopstick lessons</em>?” </p><p>“You’d be surprised,” Elide said dryly, rolling her eyes, “what a nice pair of tits will have men saying.” </p><p>Lorcan’s eyes dropped to her chest in her crop top and hummed, sucking on his teeth, “Mm, they are nice.” </p><p>“Pig,” she hissed, putting her hand over his face and shoving him back. “Play nice.” </p><p>“I always play nice with your tits, baby,” Lorcan purred, his lazy smile only growing when she shot him a glare that would have made Hellas’ fiery realm freeze over. </p><p>“Say one more thing and you’ll never get to <em>play</em> with them ever again.” </p><p>He chuckled and held his hands up in surrender, slowly backing away to the cabinets. Elide could barely hide her smile as he passed her a plate and they piled food on their plates before walking back to the couch. </p><p>Lorcan grabbed the whiskey bottle and sat down next to her, the pair quickly becoming lost in their own world of shitty takeout, Disney movies, and expensive alcohol. </p><p>After the <em>Princess Diaries</em> were done, they played rock, paper, scissors once more to decide between… Lorcan couldn’t remember. </p><p>The bottle lay empty on the carpet and his vision was blurred. Elide was giggling softly, her eyes bright, “Alrigh… alright, hol’ on, ok? We gotta… we gotta go on one, two, three!” </p><p>Lorcan laughed and shook his head, “No, no, we gotta sleep. Remember? We’re leaving tomorrow.” </p><p>“Oh, yeah,” Elide said, “‘cause someone wants to kill us.” She laughed, smiling brightly. </p><p>“I don’t even know why,” he complained, lying back on the floor. “We’re really nice.” </p><p>“And pretty.” </p><p>“The prettiest,” Lorcan confirmed. With a heavy sigh, he slowly got to his feet and hoisted Elide over his shoulder. She shrieked and wiggled until he smacked her ass, her cries of protest melting into an over-the-top, teasing moan. </p><p>“Oh, hit me harder,” she begged, voice high and breathy. “<em>Please</em>, sir.”</p><p>Lorcan shook his head at her, “Disgusting. No more talking from you.” </p><p>She giggled again and braced her elbow on his back, propping her chin up on her fist. “You got a nice ass, Salvaterre.” </p><p>He snorted, “Yours ain’t too bad either, princess.” </p><p>Elide hummed and stayed still for the rest of the trip, her thoughts becoming more mellow, as opposed to jumpy, wild things. </p><p>They were more like a fog now, settling heavy over her mind. </p><p>And then, there was the ugly thought, the one she had only thought of once, just one time before banishing it to the depths of her brain. </p><p>Lorcan placed Elide down and brushed her hair from her eyes. </p><p>She gave him a lazy smile, trailing her elegant fingertips over his full lips. “You know what, Lorcan?” </p><p>“What, Elide?” </p><p>“I have a secret,” she whispered, her eyes shining with something, he couldn’t place it. “It’s a… a <em>doozy</em>, as they say.” </p><p>Lorcan laughed, flopping down beside her. “Tell me.” </p><p>“Sometimes,” she murmured, now running a finger up and down the straight bridge of his nose, “I wish I never met you.” </p><p>The words, those horrible words, hit him like a blow to the gut and Lorcan breathed out slowly. “Hmm.” He shut his eyes to stop Elide from seeing the pain in them. “That’s…” </p><p>“It’s awful, isn’t it?” she hummed, glancing out the window to the moon beyond it. </p><p>Lorcan didn’t respond, but he was still awake as Elide fell into a deep, inebriated sleep. </p><p>
  <em>I wish I never met me either, Elide.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ummm,,,,,a little accident at the end there. i didn't mean it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Elide paced in the parking garage, obsessively checking her index cards. </p><p>Her neat, precise notes and paragraph prompts stared up at her until they became jumbled. They started moving off the page and Elide nearly cried in distress. “L, it’s not- nothing’s working.” </p><p>Lorcan’s dark head popped up over the roof of the car, his eyes soft with concern, but there was something else. Ever since they had woken, Lorcan had been withdrawn. Detached. “What’s not working?” </p><p>She gestured to the cards, hating that tears stung the back of her eyes. “I can’t- I don’t know what I’m talking about! It’s like- it’s like I’m faking my way through it.” Elide looked down at the ground, ashamed that she was talking about her measly little thesis when Lorcan was packing and planning for their lives as runaways. “It doesn’t matter.” </p><p>Her vision blurred with tears. Elide sniffled as she heard his steps grow closer until he was standing in front of her and tilting her chin back. “Princess, it does matter. Your work is important and I care about it.” She laughed tearfully, finally smiling. Lorcan’s thumb stroked her chin and he smiled down at her, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “You’ve grown up in this shit - you know it better than any of those reviewers, ok?” </p><p>Elide nodded, rising onto her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck and press her face into his chest, “Thank you,” she whispered, the steady tattoo of his heart calming her. Pulling away, she wiped her cheeks, “Remind me what the plan is?” </p><p>Lorcan nodded and kissed the top of her head, leading her to the car. He opened and closed the passenger door for her before going around the back to toss in the last heavy bag - Elide didn’t want to think about what was in it, given the contents of the hidden compartment in the back of his closet - in the trunk. </p><p>She reorganised her flashcards, making sure they were in the correct order. Lorcan slid in the driver’s seat and breathed out slowly, “You have office hours until nine thirty. Your thesis review isn’t until eleven, that’ll last one hour, at the most, yes?” Elide nodded and he continued, “Then, I’ll pick you up and we’ll go to the airport. Everyone else will meet us there, and we’ll leave.” </p><p>Elide nodded, reaching over to grip his hand. She was staring straight out the windshield, a small smile tugging at her lips when Lorcan kissed the back of her hand. “Don’t worry, princess. This’ll all be over before you know it.” </p><p> </p><p>Lorcan parked his car three blocks west and one block north of Vaughan’s apartment. </p><p>He walked up with nothing more than his car keys and wallet, only keeping his phone in case Elide called. </p><p>When he went in, Vaughan was tinkering with something on his kitchen table, playing OutKast’s Rosa Parks as he worked. He slapped Lorcan’s hand away when he poked the device, cursing him away in their mother tongue, <em>“Away, bastard.” </em></p><p>Lorcan laughed and pulled the end of his brother’s braid, leaping away when Vaughan threatened him with the mini blowtorch. He grabbed the kitchen knife lying on the counter and aimed it at Vaughan, making a slashing motion.</p><p>They were locked in a dangerous dance, circling each other slowly, Vaughan’s blowtorch lit. Lorcan went to strike when Nehemia walked in, clearly unimpressed and altogether unsurprised by the predicament. “Down, children. Vaughan, stop trying to burn his hair and Lorcan, away with the knife.” They glared at each other, but did as they were told. </p><p>Lorcan went to sit next to Nehemia, looking over her shoulder at the computer. “Find anything new?” </p><p>The woman shook her head, sighing as she put her braids into a bun and swearing when she realised she didn’t have an elastic. Lorcan pulled one off his wrist and handed it to her, squinting to read what was on her screen. “Are these her Wyrd connections?” Lorcan asked, dragging the cursor over a map. </p><p>“Yes, and no. Not all of them are Wyrd… it’s complicated,” Nehemia huffed, grabbing the computer and typing something. Its motor clicked and whirred as it worked. “She’s hidden her imports well. Various legitimate cargo.” She opened an image, “See this, this was a container of produce from Eyllwe.” </p><p>Nehemia went to change the image, but something had Lorcan pausing her, “Wait, just hold on… I think I’ve seen that container before.” </p><p>“What container?” Fenrys asked as he walked in, carrying a long, suspiciously shaped duffel bag. </p><p>Vaughan looked up and frowned, “Hellas, Fen, maybe next time, choose a different fucking bag? It’s like you’re trying to make people think you have a sniper rifle in there, gods damn, man.” </p><p>“That’s what I fucking told you,” Connall muttered, slapping the upside of his twin’s head. </p><p>“Boys, shut up, I’m trying to think,” Lorcan said, digging out his phone. “I’ve seen that container before. That number, I know it.” </p><p>“I’ll reverse search it,” Nehemia said, opening the database of images the agency had access to. </p><p>Lorcan clicked through a batch of photos from the largest arms bust they had done. Maeve had wanted each of them to take pictures on their personal phones - for reasons she never explained and ones they all knew better to ask about. </p><p>“Here,” he said, showing Nehemia the picture. “It’s the same container.” </p><p>She took his phone from him and used a cord to attach it to her computer. The pictures loaded onto the screen and Lorcan got up to pace, “She’s selling guns, isn’t she?” </p><p>“Yeah, she is,” Nehemia said, “and it goes back a decade, Lorcan. She’s been in on this since the beginning. Before Erawan started anything, she’s the mastermind.” </p><p>They all looked at each other, sadness and defeat flickering in their eyes. </p><p> </p><p>Elide breathed in slowly and exhaled calmly, waiting to be called into the room. Her presentation was memorised and no one knew the subject like her. </p><p>“Miss Lochan?” Elide opened her eyes, looking to one of the reviewer’s assistants. “We’re ready for you.” </p><p>With a slight, polite smile, Elide picked up her bag and followed the young woman into the cold office, nodding to the panel that sat on one side of the desk. </p><p>Darrow was sitting there too and he winked at her. Elide’s tense posture relaxed a bit as she put her bag down. </p><p>“Welcome, Miss Lochan.” </p><p>“Thank you for having me,” she said, trying to remain calm as she handed out copies of her presentation and connected her laptop to the projector. She checked to make sure it was on the white screen behind her and prayed briefly to Anneith, hoping her goddess would allow a small mercy. </p><p>There was a rustle of paper as the reviewers flipped through her presentation and then the man sitting in the middle nodded once, “Whenever you’re ready.” </p><p>Elide nodded and picked up her index cards. She didn’t need them and she had hardly ever used them, but they brought a sense of reassurance if she ever lost her place. “Of course.” Elide picked up the fob to click through her slides and clicked to the introduction slide. </p><p>Thinking of herself as a child, scared and alone, thinking of the others like her and the ones the system had let down, Elide opened her mouth and the words flowed out of her. </p><p>Her words were succinct and precise, no need to embellish a thing. Elide held the room’s attention, she commanded it, and her presentation flew by. </p><p>With one minor stumble over the abstract of her latest lab, Elide was proud of what she had accomplished and that shone through her as she finished her delivery. </p><p>Then came the questioning period. She answered their queries without hesitation, save for when an older woman asked why she had chosen this particular subject. </p><p>“Um, I-” Elide coughed, her throat suddenly feeling very, very dry. She took a sip from the glass of water she had been given at the start, using the momentary pause to collect herself. “I have always been interested by the inner workings of the human mind, I suppose. When I was a child, I was rather shy and could always be found with my nose stuck in a book that I probably shouldn’t have been reading.”</p><p>A light chuckle went through the panel at that and Elide smiled, waiting to continue. “When my parents died, the only living relative I had was deemed unfit to care for me, which he was, and I was placed in the foster system. I was never adopted and I aged out eventually. I spent most of that time trying to find a way to get out and the only viable option that wouldn’t have left me dead was school.” </p><p>A repressed memory of a foster parent burning her school materials and books, projects and papers she had worked tirelessly over, in an oil drum flashed through her mind. Elide was ashamed of the way her throat burned with the threat of sobs. </p><p>Somehow, she managed to finish off, “I have lived through what I study and I can attest to the fact that no one would wish it on another person. The foster system hasn’t changed practically since it was created and it sets children up for disaster, in more ways than one.” With a shaky smile, Elide said, “I want to help and I want change. This is simply the best way I know how.” </p><p>Pity, mixed with respect, swam through the questioners’ eyes and they all thanked her, standing to shake her hand as she exited. </p><p> </p><p>The bags were all packed. Everything, everything was planned and they had strategized where they would all be going. </p><p>Elide and Lorcan would be going to Suria by plane, then take the train to Orynth in two days' time. Vaughan and Nehemia were flying to Rifthold and catching a connecting flight to Orynth. </p><p>On account of Aelin’s delicate condition, her doctor - after Rowan had said they would be returning to Terrasen for a funeral - suggested keeping flights to a minimum, she and Rowan would be flying directly to Orynth and staying in the safe house. </p><p>Vaughan handed out fake passports to them all. Nehemia took hers and stepped out onto the balcony. </p><p>She let the boys say their good-byes, knowing it was always the hardest part of an assignment for them. If one was hurt, they all bled. </p><p>Nehemia pocketed her fake passport and wrapped her arms around herself, tucking her chin into the collar of her jacket. It was too cold in Wendlyn and she dreaded spending the coldest months in Orynth. </p><p>She had never quite adjusted to anything but the balmy temperature of Banjali. </p><p>Nehemia looked up when the sliding door opened, seeing her husband standing there. She glanced back into the apartment, just catching the end of Vaughan’s double braid as he closed the door behind him. </p><p>“Mi…” Fenrys began, his dark eyes rippling with a deep sadness. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.” </p><p>She shook her head and stepped to him, tucking herself into his chest. “Don’t say sorry, please. It’s not the time for apologies.” </p><p>Her kind and loving husband wrapped his arms around her, dipping his chin to rest it on her head. “I still am.” </p><p>Nehemia pressed her face into his neck as tears pricked her eyes, “It’s not supposed to be like this.” She slid her arms around him, feeling like she would crumble to the ground without it. “I don’t want to say good-bye, Fen.” </p><p>Graceful fingers tilted her chin up and soft, heartbreakingly soft eyes met hers. “I don’t want to say good-bye either, but…” </p><p>“We have to,” she finished for him, smiling sadly. Fenrys nodded and unclasped the golden chain he wore every day. A gold band hung from it. Nehemia shook her head, whispering, “No, Fen, please–” </p><p>He pressed it into her hand, gently gripping her jaw, “I need you to keep it safe for me, Mi.” Fenrys closed her hand over his wedding ring. It was still warm from his skin. Neither Fenrys nor Nehemia wore their rings on their fingers. </p><p>It meant more to them to wear them on necklaces - that way they remained close to their hearts and souls. Nehemia wanted to fling it back at him, wanted to scream no, she wouldn’t wear it, but she held it close and nodded. Fenrys cupped her face, brushing his thumbs over her regal, majestic cheekbones, “Hold it when you miss me.” He leaned down, kissing her brow. “Hold it when you’re mad and squeeze it tight enough that I can feel it.”</p><p>His lips dusted soft caresses over her eyelids, “Scream at it and be angry because your man had to do the hero thing and save the world.” Nehemia laughed tearfully, her inhale unsteady when he kissed her cheek, “Wear it when you’re sad and wear it when you’re happy.” </p><p>Fenrys pressed his lips to her other cheek, whispering softly, “Wear it until I come home to you, ok?” </p><p>Nehemia rose on her tiptoes, kissing him soundly, her promise in the embrace as she held her fist to his heart. The other hand cupped the back of his neck as Fenrys dipped her, his arms banded around her waist. “I promise,” she whispered. </p><p>Pulling away, Nehemia stroked her fingers over his neck, gazing up into his eyes. “Don’t do anything dumb, you hear me?” </p><p>That swaggering, signature Marama twin happy-go-lucky grin tugged at his full lips, his wicked sharp teeth flashing white. Nehemia could’ve sworn she saw fantom fangs ghosting over his smile. “Yes, ma’am.” </p><p>She rolled her eyes and kissed his cheek, “I’m going to the bathroom. Don’t save the world until I’m back.” </p><p>Fenrys laughed, the sound rich and rolling, “Of course. I’ll try to stop the boys.” </p><p>Nehemia chuckled and walked back into the apartment, going into the bathroom and closing the door behind her. She locked it and braced her hands against the sink, sobs trapped in her chest. </p><p>She looked at the mirror, the flickering light catching on the cuffs adoring her hair. With shaking hands, Nehemia clasped Fenrys’ chain around her neck and began undoing the cuffs until her hair was plain save for the intricate pattern of her tribal braids. Her tears spilled down her cheeks, but still, her chin remained up. She would not bow her head, not once. </p><p>Nehemia didn’t bother wiping her cheeks as she strode back into the living room to find that everyone had returned. Subtly, she tucked the chain beneath her top. Nobody but her and Fenrys had to know that intimate detail of their life. It would be their little secret.</p><p>She didn’t look at anyone but Fenrys and walked over to him, pressing her jewellery into his hand. In Eyllwe, she told him,<em> “Keep these safe for me.”  </em></p><p>
  <em>“Mi–”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Please.” </em>
</p><p>Fenrys pocketed the adornments, glum acceptance flashing in his eyes. He leaned down, kissing the top of her head where three cornrows crossed before joining the countless others in falling freely down to her waist.<em> “I love you.”</em></p><p><em>“I love you too,”</em> she murmured, pulling away and wiping her cheeks. “We should go. Ellie’s meeting ends in ten minutes and she’ll be anxious if we aren’t on time.” </p><p>No one dared to go against the command in her voice. They said one last farewell as Connall lifted her off her feet, practically squashing the life from her. Nehemia laughed, her hands on his shoulders when her brother in law finally set her back down. “Bye, Con. Take care of him for me.” </p><p>Fenrys spluttered and pulled her back to him, his hands squeezing her hips reassuringly, “I don’t need to be <em>taken care of.”</em> </p><p>Nehemia just smiled and pulled him down for one last kiss, “Humour me, <em>ya hayati.” </em></p><p>He nodded, finally letting her go. Fenrys slung his arm around Connall’s shoulders and shooed her out the door. With one more smile, Nehemia turned and walked away, resisting the urge to look back. </p><p>Later, when all was said and done, she would regret not taking one more second to memorise the way they looked. </p><p> </p><p>Elide kept her chin up while she strode through the hallways to her office and collected the things she would need while she was… away. </p><p>“Knock, knock.” </p><p>She turned, smiling at the sight of Darrow. “Oh, hi.” </p><p>“That was very well done, Elide,” he said, stepping in and passing her the various things she had put on her desk. “You’re really leaving, hmm?” </p><p>Elide paused, her computer charger held above her bag. She put it down and turned, nodding slightly. “Yes. I just- I’m sorry, Darrow.” </p><p>He waved his hand dismissively, “Oh, don’t mind me. Just being a crotchety old man. You deserve a break, Elide. You’ve been hitting a few snags in your work so go. Be with your lover,” he teased, laughing when she made a face. </p><p>“Don’t tell him you called him my ‘lover’. He’ll never let me hear the end of it,” Elide said. Darrow held his arms open and Elide stepped forward, hugging him tightly. Tears sprang unbidden in her eyes and she whispered, “Thank you for everything. I can never repay you.” </p><p>“No, you can’t,” Darrow said, pushing her thanks off like it made him uncomfortable. “Alright, I have a class to teach. You take care of yourself, you hear me? I won’t be tolerating any calls from some foreign hospital because you decided to let loose for a night.” </p><p>Elide laughed and wiped her eyes, “I make no promises.” Darrow rolled his eyes and hugged her one last time before walking out of her office. </p><p>She sighed and finished packing her stuff up, remembering to leave the key with the receptionist. </p><p>It was cold and grey outside, which seemed to fit the day. Elide crossed her arms over her chest to conserve heat as she waited on the curb for Lorcan. </p><p>Just as she was about to pull out her phone to call him, a black car pulled up in front of her. An unbidden grin appeared on her face and Elide bit her lip to quell it as she walked down the stairs. The passenger door unlocked, popping open by itself. </p><p>Elide bent at her waist, peering into the car. She tucked her hair behind her ear, frowning, “Can I help you?” The man sitting behind the wheel was decidedly not Lorcan, nor was it any of the other boys she’d become close with. </p><p>He had mousy brown hair cut in a shaggy, unkempt style, that he had obviously attempted to brush into some sort of shape. His eyes were blue, but watery. Vapid. Insipid. The man smiled and she suppressed the shudder that ran through her. “You must be Elide. My name is Cairn, Cairn Beinn.” </p><p>She straightened, dismissing him. Lorcan would be by soon. Elide cocked her jaw, not in the mood to be tricked by anyone and <em>certainly </em>not whoever this piss-baby male was. “No, I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong person.” </p><p>He chuckled unkindly and got out of the car, watching her over the car top, “I admire your self-preservation skills, Ms. Lochan, but I assure you, I’m not here to harm you.” Elide held in her scoff and shifted on her feet, uneasily glancing down the street. No one else was there. “Mr. Salvaterre sent me to bring you to the airport. Please, I can call him for you from the car.” </p><p>Elide looked at her watch and tapped her foot. With a tired sigh, she offered <em>Cairn </em>a tight-lipped smile and walked down the path to the car. She missed the way Cairn’s smile turned predatory. </p><p>With one hand on the door, Elide took her handbag off her shoulder, half in the car. The voice at her shoulder told her to look once more down the street. </p><p>She did, tossing a tired glance over her shoulder just as Lorcan’s Aston Martin turned the corner. She gasped, looking in fear at Cairn. He, alerted by her sound of surprise, looked in the mirror and swore, leaning over to grab her long coat and roughly yank her in. </p><p>Elide pushed at him when he leaned across her to close the door and he spat at her, “Sit fucking still or I’ll shoot your precious boyfriend. Again.” Without another word, he revved the engine and sped down the street, tires squealing on asphalt. </p><p>She looked in the side mirror, through the cloud of burning rubber, and saw Lorcan’s car speeding after them. Fear seized her, Elide was frozen. Until, that same voice reminded her of the blade she kept in her bag. </p><p>Carefully, Elide reached her hand into the outer pocket, her fingers closing around the cool weapon. Cairn swerved violently around a truck, causing her to bump into the window and cry out softly. </p><p>He whipped his head to her, snarling something nasty, but Elide wasn’t listening as she withdrew her fist and stabbed, managing to get his eye. Cairn screamed, slapping his hand over the wound, “You bitch!” He slapped her backhanded across the face, sending her crashing back in her seat. “You’re fucking dead.” </p><p>Elide gripped her bag as he slammed on the breaks, managing to stay in her seat and not go flying. </p><p>Cairn turned to her, blood dripping down his face, which was purple and twisted with rage. “You’re fuckin–” </p><p>She lashed out with her foot, the thin heel of her stiletto ramming into his gut. While Cairn was incapacitated, doubled over, Elide wrenched the door open and shot out, the tires of Lorcan’s car screaming as he braked. </p><p>She didn’t look back as she grabbed her bag and ran. Lorcan leaned across to open the door for her and Elide dived in, quickly slamming the door shut behind her. “Go,” she breathed, bracing her hands against the dashboard as Lorcan nodded and ripped away, shooting past Cairn as he stumbled out of the car, holding a gun up.</p><p>Lorcan looked in the rearview mirror and swore low, “Fuck, what did you do to him, princess?” </p><p>“Stabbed his right eye,” she said bluntly, feeling numb as the adrenaline faded away. Her face really fucking hurt from the slap and the cut, courtesry of Cairn’s rings. Elide worked her jaw, hissing through her teeth. “And kicked him. Really fuckin’ hard. With my stiletto heel.”</p><p>Pride glowed in Lorcan’s eyes as he turned into an unmarked alley and parked the car. He turned to her, scanning her for injuries. His eyes were practically spitting flame as he gently gripped her jaw to tilt her head. “What did he do.” </p><p>Breathing out slowly, Elide put her hand over his, “He slapped me after I stabbed him.” She attempted a soothing smile, “That’s it, L.” </p><p>He grunted, narrowing his eyes. Then, he covered her eyes with his hand, “Close your eyes, love.” </p><p>She held in her sigh, knowing she didn’t need to be checked for a concussion. “L, I don’t need–” </p><p>“Humour me,” he said, not able to hide the tremble in his words. He was scared. Her big, terrifying, intimidating, and aggressive boyfriend was… scared. </p><p>Elide did as he asked, the smarting sensation in her face fading as she waited. After a minute, Lorcan pulled his hand away, checking to see how her pupils dilated. He nodded, his smile relieved, “All good, Lochan.” </p><p>Gently, he cupped her face, stroking his thumb over the cut on her cheekbone, “Still wears the rings, huh?” </p><p>“It’s not funny, L. Who is he and how does he know <em>me</em>? How does he know where I work?” </p><p>Lorcan didn’t say anything as he reached across her lap and opened the glove compartment. He took out the first aid kit and opened it. “He’s… an old employee. Holds a grudge, I guess.” </p><p>Elide ran her tongue over her teeth, fuming silently. “<em>You guess</em>? I just <em>stabbed </em>someone and the best you can come up with is <em>I guess</em>?” </p><p>“El–” </p><p>“No, you know what? I’m done. I can’t do this, Lorcan! I don’t <em>want </em>to do this,” she said, her voice shaking. Her eyes were wide. Lorcan tilted her chin to the side, focusing on the cut. Elide wanted to scream, but his fingers were soft and soothing on her skin, grounding her as her thoughts swirled around her mind like a storm. </p><p>He kissed her forehead after he cleaned the cut, “Just a flesh wound. I don’t even think it’ll scar.” </p><p>Elide exhaled, pulling away from him just enough to look into his eyes, “I’m scared.” </p><p>Lorcan sighed through his nose and brushed her hair back, picking out a piece of something. “I know.” Those two little words tore at his heart. He wasn’t sure Elide had once let herself break and with two words, her cracks were showing. He moved his seat back and pulled her into his lap, tucking her head under his chin. </p><p>And it was there, in the front seat of Lorcan’s car, that Elide Lochan finally broke. </p><p> </p><p>Vaughan was the first to hug Elide when she and Lorcan arrived at the airport. She’d gotten a chance to change out of her meeting clothes. Now, she was wearing a pair of leggings and a hoodie. Perfect for air travel. “Ellie-Boo!” </p><p>“Hey, V,” she whispered, offering a tired smile. </p><p>“L said you stabbed someone?” </p><p>She froze, her shoulders tensing. Lorcan noticed and stepped up behind her. With a supportive touch on the small of her back, Lorcan gently tugged her to his side. He spoke in his mother tongue to Vaughan, always preferring the melodic language of his childhood over the common speech.</p><p>The man nodded, quickly distracted. Elide all but sagged against Lorcan, turning her head and pressing her forehead against his body in thanks. </p><p>Aelin trailed up, sipping on something through a straw. She smiled and rested her hand on Elide’s upper arm, rubbing softly, “Hi, sweetheart. Do you want some milkshake?” </p><p>Elide huffed a laugh and shook her head. She raised on her toes to kiss Lorcan softly and whisper something before turning back to Aelin. “Oh, I’m not hungry.” </p><p>“Well, I’m starving and these parasites need some food. Come with me?” </p><p>Lorcan looked at Aelin over Elide’s head and relief flooded his face as he mouthed, <em>Thank you</em>. He knew what Aelin was trying to do. </p><p>Elide looped her arm through Aelin’s and nodded, “Let’s find you some food, then.” </p><p> </p><p>They met up in front of security, just to the side and in a camera blindspot. Elide was picking at a wrap and sipping on a lemonade. It wasn’t much, but at least she was eating something. </p><p>Nehemia distributed their boarding passes out. Her face was closed off after saying farewell to Fenrys. Elide slid up to her, wrapping her arm around Nehemia’s waist and offering her the extra lemonade she had gotten. </p><p>It was ironic that Elide was forcing her into consuming some sort of nutrients. “So, where are we going?” </p><p>“V and I are going to Rifthold. Ace and Ro are going straight to Orynth, I wanted to minimise flight travel for her. You,” Nehemia said, exchanging a pair of passes for the lemonade, “and Lor will be going to Suria. We already got a hotel room for you two, so don’t worry about anything, ok?” </p><p>Elide wanted to make sure Nehemia was ok, but Nehemia did best when she was fussing over everyone else. “Thank you, love.” </p><p>Since her and Lorcan’s flight was the soonest, they had to get going. Elide hugged everyone, leaving Nehemia for last. </p><p>As she hugged the elegant woman, Elide felt Nehemia slump against her and braced her. “You got this, ok, Mi?” </p><p>Nehemia sniffled and nodded, standing up straight. “I know. It’s not forever, right?” She nodded to Lorcan, standing by the entrance. He was talking quietly to Vaughan and Rowan. “Go, go. I’ll see you soon, anyhow.” </p><p>Elide nodded, reaching up one last time to wipe Nehemia’s eyes, “I’ll see you soon, <em>ves’tacha</em>.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ya hayati: Arabic, ‘my life’ (i previously used Xhosa for Eyllwe, but since i see nehemia as east african - specifically sudanese - i changed it to match the local languag)</p><p>Ves’tacha: Romani, ‘beloved’ (i use Romani for Blackbeak)</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
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    <p>heyyy yalll ! i’ve got uhhh something to tell you 😳. </p>
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  <p>i was really excited about this project when i first had the idea (back when i was still posting stmf wow so long). </p>
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  <p>and then i started and.....i’ve simply lost interest in writing this. writing is supposed to be my escape mechanism from the world and it’s not an escape anymore. </p>
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  <p>so. sadly. with my life will not be continued but fear not ! i will be sharing the outline with u cool cats n kittens hehe. and ! i have a new project im hoping to share with u all V soon. vv soon. </p>
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  <p>here is the link, view as much as you want ! </p>
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  <p><a href="https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fdocs.google.com%2Fdocument%2Fd%2F1k89YaOVU4th9GzAI7noVqJ4Gf-oTOjKTTpYjxGtZhz0%2Fedit%3Fusp%3Dsharing&amp;t=MTllZTA0MjBlNjkyNThlYzk3NjU1YjIwOGNkZDY5Nzk3OTIxMTA2NSwxZDk0ZDAzNzQ5M2IyZjZlM2U3MTk2OWYyM2E2MThmMTFkZmNmN2Vm&amp;ts=1601846029">https://docs.google.com/document/d/1k89YaOVU4th9GzAI7noVqJ4Gf-oTOjKTTpYjxGtZhz0/edit?usp=sharing</a> </p>
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